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The shower that I really needed to have

I am pretty sure that everyone knows the phrase “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, well for me the phrase should read “the shower that broke me!” or more accurately, “the shower that I didn’t get to enjoy broke the last semblance of sanity left!”

Sneezing woke me up this morning, endless sneezing.  Rather than stay in bed and wake boy-child completely (he stirred enough to lean out of bed to investigate whatever monster was lurking under the bed!) I decided to continue my sneezing alone, downstairs.  It was before 6am and still dark.  Instead of sitting alone being annoyed that I was awake and that I was sneezing, I decided to make the most of the morning and start on creating the new me – the one who is determined to regain some semblance of fit and healthy.  I pulled on a pair of trekking shoes, only because my runners were no where to be seen, and headed out for Day 1 of the C25K program.

It was cold, I was still sneezy but I felt great for getting out there.  Sure my body was protesting at the cold and my head was imagining I was anywhere else but I was proud to make that first important step to making a real change.  In fact I was so pumped by it I even posted words to that effect on Facebook, in a group that I have been lurking in for a while now…

Enough is enough. Today I really start learning how to move again, starting with the c25k challenge. To get things in to perspective – it has been so long since I have been running that I have no idea where my runners are. Instead of this stopping me, I pulled on my trekking shoes and hit the streets. My body is in a state of shock, my head is all over the shop but I have started. Happy Monday Movers 🙂

I enjoyed the quiet of the morning and the stillness of the house.  I could ignore the headache that never disappears.  I was looking forward to a great day.  School lunches made, and kids only just waking, with an hour before we were required to leave for the back to school madness.  It was the perfect time to go and have a shower.  Of course the best laid plans get thrown out the window when as I go to enter the bathroom I hear, “Oh, there may not be too much hot water left!”

Seriously.  Are you the only f*cking person in this house?  Your actions would certainly indicate so!

Instead of yelling and screaming about how freaking selfish he was.  I threw my clothes on, over a post run sweaty body and stormed off downstairs.  I was so pissed at not having that 5 minutes of luxury that I couldn’t see past it.  I got downstairs and everything just drove me nuts.

The fact that I didn’t get time to do any grocery shopping meaning that meals this week will be made from the little bits of whatever that happens to be in the fridge or freezer.  The fact that I was making dinner for tonight this morning.  The fact that today is just another crap day that can surely only get better.

Moral to the story – don’t get between me and my desire for a shower OR stop being a selfish asshat, your actions and inactions have an impact on others!

 

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Working out what to feed the kids…

Life is busy, I get that and I need to work out strategies to be able to ensure that we all get healthy and ideally delicious meals.  With someone who has battled disordered eating, I also need to make sure that I make time to eat as I find it too easy to make excuses to skip meals.  I know that I should menu plan, but not only is it the struggle to work out what to cook, but it is now a case of when to cook it.  Life is getting busier and I know that the kids have missed out on so many opportunities because I have been ‘absent’ so I don’t want them to miss out any more.  It is now time for me to work out the logistics of how I can actually achieve the lofty goal of getting the kids to where they need to be and being able to feed them!

Here goes trying to work out what can be made and when…

As long as there is food in the house, breakfasts and school lunches can just be made up along the way, it is dinner that needs the work and planning.

Monday – Kids are at work with me for a sport and rec program, we should be home at 6.  The boy-child needs to be fed and out the door for Scouts by 6.40 at the latest.  Dinner needs to be prepped, cooked and eaten in less than 40 minutes!

Tuesday – I am actually attempting to do something for myself – I have signed up for a new hockey class (the one I want to do doesn’t fit in with the commitments of other members of the family so hello a new night and another night of dinner challenges) so I leave here at 4.45 and won’t be back til 8 or so.  Dinner needs to be made before I leave for hockey.

Wednesday – Finish work at 4 and head home to collet the kids, we have to be out the door by 4.30 for their classes/sport.  Get home around 6.30.  Make sure that there is a substantial meal/snack ready for the kids to eat after school so that they have the energy for classes.  Ideally the second round of dinner would also be prepared before we get back.

Thursday – I work an unofficial split shift.  In the almost 2 hours between, make dinner and hang with the kids.  Get home from work around 8.30, most likely too tired to eat myself and will crawl into bed after saying goodnight to the kids.

Friday – Hooray for the one night of the week that I don’t have to work late, run around after kids or do anything specific.  The one night where I really want to just eat takeout but realise that we have a huge day ahead starting crazy early so need to eat something healthy!

Saturday – the day begins at dark o’clock with sports and doesn’t finish until stupidly late if we manage to make it to all commitments.  Ideally I will have prepared savoury muffins, zucchini slice and snacks to take.  Reality will be feeding the kids toast as we run out the door, a few protein snacks for them after training and the rest of the day will be whatever we can get our hands on.  Of course that translates to hot chocolates to defrost and hot chips because they smell so good.  Perhaps we will sneak home for an hour or so, or maybe even out to stock up on food for the coming week, more than likely we will grab more fast food to round off the day.

Sunday – more training that begins at even darker o’clock, followed by more sport.  If we are lucky, I will get time to go and get food for the coming week, if I am really lucky I will delegate the job of getting food for the week!  Ideally I will even prepare a batch of meals that can be heated quickly during the week.  Realistically, it will be more the case that I will be so overwhelmed by it all that I will hope that the fridge and cupboards are miraculously able to refill themselves with delicious meals and I can enjoy not being busy for 3 seconds.

Somehow, I need to work out when to menu plan and shop so that I can make a week’s work of meals on the day of the week that is yet to be found or get up even earlier in the morning to make breakfast, lunch and dinner before leaving for work!

Any recommendations for healthy, energy packed meals that are easy to prepare and reheat?

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2013 in just a day

 

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Finishing Things – a To Do List

It seems of late that I am very slack at finishing things.  I have so many Works in Progress that I really don’t know where to start.  I figure if I make a nice long and boring list here, perhaps I will feel accountable and actually get some of it done.

Around the House

  • Get rid of the toddler bed that is in the girl-childs room.  The plan was that it would be used as a window seat/couch for her but instead it is just a storage place for all of her bits and pieces and makes her room look even messier than it needs to be.  As I dismantle the bed, I will help her clean out the piles of stuff she has shoved in every nook and cranny.  Anyone need an Ikea extendable bed?
  • Fix the drawers under the bed in boy-childs room.  He normally stores his nerf guns in the drawers but since they don’t work properly, he has an excuse for leaving them lying about.
  • Donate toys and books that haven’t been played with or read in forever.
  • De-bomb my study.  My study area is basically a dumping ground for anything that doesn’t have a house.  It is filled with art and craft stuff, knitting and sewing, about a million different projects in varying stages of completion.  I really should be ruthless and work out what can be done, get it done or get rid of it.  If I can manage to do that then perhaps there is a chance there will be a space available to actually work in!
  • Ebay or donate stuff that we don’t need.
Stuff for Me
  • I really need to start studying.  I am doing 2 subjects at the moment that I really haven’t started.  I have assessments for both due in 2 weeks and barely know where to begin.  I am hoping that if I get a study space sorted, whether it is my study or the space the kids use, I might get some work done.
  • Realistically, I should apply for study leave that way I have no excuses and have to get some work done.
  • More exercise.  I am back running (well except for the last 3 days when I couldn’t be far from a bathroom!)  I am feeling good but my ankle still isn’t back to full strength so I need to do more of the exercises that the physio has suggested to prevent further injury when I go back to netball this week.
  • Empty my draft folder.  There are heaps of posts in varying degrees of completion in my draft folder that I need to either post or delete.  If I am going to be ruthless around the house I need to do the same here.
Of course there are all the typical things that need doing, the laundry, cleaning, shopping and running around after kids but they are all known and unavoidable.  Hopefully by listing (some of) the other often forgotten things I need to do, I might actually get them done, then if there is a little more space in the house I will be able to make some more space in my own head.
 
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Posted by on August 19, 2011 in all about me

 

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Sundays in my City #70 – Needing a Sugar Fix!

Unknown Mami

After yet another crazy crazy week of work and surprisingly another opportunity to go out and have fun, Sunday rolls around and I am tired and maybe a little grumpy when I realise that I haven’t had the camera out at all (I don’t even know where the point and shoot is hiding.  I take a billion photos at soccer to make up for not having any pictures for the week but since they are photos of other peoples kids, I really don’t want to post them here without permission.  What to do?  Sure I could go back out and get some pics in the park, but it is cold and I am tired, perhaps even hungry.  Time to get girl-child into action and make some cookies.

We used a great recipe from Nic at Planning with Kids100s of Biscuits.

What I love best is that the recipe calls for an entire tin of condensed milk – that means that I don’t eat the left over half tin of sweet goodness, instead I eat the cookie dough!  I was so busy eating the mixture helping girl-child that I didn’t even grab my camera, just the trusty phone, to capture the fun.

Squishy Dough Goodness

Taste Test

(Some of) the Finished Product

 We cooked dozens of biscuits and froze half the dough for emergencies!  Hooray for a great recipe and for having a sweet treat for the kids lunch boxes for a change.

 Head over to Unknown Mami and check out some of the adventures others have had during their Sundays in my City as I head back out in the cold to pick up the kids from the party!

 
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Posted by on August 7, 2011 in all in the family

 

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Another Monday

It is Monday on a Tuesday and it just doesn’t seem right.  After a fantastic extra long weekend, the Monday-ness of today is doing my head in.  I guess it has something to do with holiday mode and not being organised.

Last night, just after tucking the kids in and reminding them that there was no lego/uno/arts and craft/movie watching/driving me totally nuts before they were dressed and ready for school and that included being dressed and having blankets put away (or at least out of my sight!).  I planned to head to bed right after they settled but luckily remembered that the school clothes, well they were still in a dirty smelly heap in the hamper.  Instead of climbing into bed, I was off to do the laundry, and watch some tv as I waited.  Laundry done and hung out I climbed into bed, still early enough to get a decent sleep, especially as I turned off my alarm to give myself another holiday from early morning training.

Then comes today, the ‘other’ Monday.  I didn’t want to get out of bed, so I stayed there as long as possible, but was still the first up.  I couldn’t tell if the school clothes were still wet or just freezing to touch so I dragged them inside to strategically place each item over a heater.  The girl’s school lunch bag was still in the machine and totally wet, so I hung it over a heater to dry as I went about getting lunches ready.

Next thing I knew there was mayhem – the lunch bag had fallen to close to the heater and was smoking, the smoke set of the smoke detector (hooray it works!) and the noise woke up the boy!  The bag was salvaged, albeit a little singed along the top and the kids were both up to get ready for school.

Drama number 2 – the breakfast and lunch production line.  Girl-child had requested tomato on sourdough toast for breakfast and sourdough sandwiches for lunch, also with tomato.  I still can’t find the container she takes sliced tomato to school in, but I did find a substitute, so that wasn’t the drama.  The drama was the toast, or at least the bread I was using.  I cooked the toast and tomato and she dug in to her breakfast.  I cooked the boy’s toast (no sourdough for him, plain old multigrain for my boy – only 4 slices today!) and added vegemite before moving onto the lunch production.  That was when I discovered that the sourdough bread was mouldy, or at least the first 6 slices were.  The toast that was made for the girl came from within those same 6 slices so there is a fair chance that she ate mouldy toast for breakfast!  She didn’t complain and she isn’t sick so fingers crossed all will be well.

did manage to get them out of the house to get to school in time and fortunately there hasn’t a third drama, yet.  I am almost certain that the school will call to say one of the monsters is sick or injured so I am crossing my fingers and toes just in case.  In the meantime I am tempted to crawl back into bed and pretend that today doesn’t exist.

 

 
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Posted by on June 14, 2011 in just a day

 

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I should…

I should be folding laundry, I should be unpacking the fruit and vege delivery, I should have played cards with the kids after the mad rush of the afternoon, I should be doing some study (I really really should be doing some study) I should be cleaning up after the day, I should be finishing off the work I didn’t get a chance to do today.  There are so many things that I should be doing but I really don’t have the energy.  I have been working too much, training too hard, juggling the ‘single parenting again for a few busy days routine’ and not taking time out to rest.

I am starting to feel the effects of it all.  I have woken every day with a sore throat and achey sinus and had a lingering dehydration headache that just won’t go away.  I need to rest but I just can’t.  I have given myself a few minutes to read blogs, justified by the fact that I am waiting for the kids to fall asleep and using the excuse that I can’t do any <insert random ‘must-do’ talk here> if I am going to be constantly badgered by kids who are in bed but not sleeping yet so could potentially come down stairs of want something and disrupting my attempts at productivity.  That is my reasoning behind reading blogs and blogging right now, but why do I need an excuse?  Why do I have to justify sitting down and enjoying something that I love?

Why is it that I need to find an excuse to take care of me?  I have just been over at Sleepless Nights where Veronica was lamenting the fact that she too feels guilty having time to herself.  She feels guilty being alone in the house and not Getting Stuff Done.  I too feel the same guilt.  I wanted to post a comment reinforcing Veronica’s need to take care of herself, to enjoy the few moments of peace and quiet that she is lucky enough to get knowing that when she is with her family again she will have more energy to enjoy them.  I wanted to tell her that she deserves a break too, that she is worth it, but it was all to hypocritical.  She knows that, just like I know, yet the guilt remains.

My biggest guilt is about work.  I work a lot and I love what I do but it is time (and head space) consuming.  Trying to juggle getting the kids to school and other activities with work, training, uni and domesticity all seems to be too much.  Sure I could cut down on my working (out of the house) hours but then I wouldn’t have the time to do the job properly and that would cause more stress for me than actually working the crazy hours.  I know that I am a better person when I am working and passionate about my work.  I know that I don’t like the person I become when I am staying at home (sure being a hermit is great for me but not so good for the rest of the family) but why do I feel so guilty?

Back in the days before kids, life was simple.  Work all week, pick up after yourself during the week and clean the house from top to bottom Saturday morning so that I could enjoy the rest of the weekend without the thoughts of ‘I should’ creeping into my head.  It was easy to share the cooking and domestic roles or better still do a big shop and cook-up of a Sunday and not have to worry about cooking for most of the week ahead.  It was so simple, organised and easy.  Now my weekends are a juggle.  If I am not working or training there are kids activities to attend as well as domestic duties that need to happen.  Often the question that I ask every, not-at-work-or-training Saturday is, ‘Do I join the kids at their activities and watch them skate or stay home and attempt to be domestic, to try to get ahead?  Normally the domestic option wins, only because the thought of having to get home from skating and start then is all too much.

I know that my world will go on if the house isn’t clean but I still can’t make myself relax.  I have improved, I can actually go to bed of a night time knowing that there are dishes still on the sink, but probably spend more time fretting about squeezing something else into the already busy morning schedule that I sometimes wonder if it was worth it.  Things can just get swept into a pile to be dealt with another time.  The floors don’t have to be clean all the time, clean-ish is good enough but even finding time for -ish is challenging.  I now spend my ‘me time’ walking around the river of a morning.  It is the only ‘me time’ I get and really, can hardly be considered ‘me time’ if it is a part of training and I use the time to work out what needs to be done and make lists on my phone to prioritise?

Anyway, instead of pottering away here, I need to Go Do Stuff.  The house is now quiet and the kids are asleep, my excuse and justification for lingering here is gone.  It is time to tackle every thing that is on my list of ‘I should’ before exhaustion takes over and I fall into a heap.

Any suggestions for an excuse that I can use to convince myself to  not feel guilty about the things ‘I should’ be doing?

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Making Changes

I wrote yesterday that life is crazy busy, that there is so much to do, that I just couldn’t possibly fit it all in.  I am really lucky that all of the ‘stuff’ that I have to do is actually ‘stuff’ that I really love.  Work is hardly work when I love what I am doing, sure the extended and erratic hours drive me batshit crazy but it also gives me some flexibility to take days off when I need to or start late every now and then.  Of course the workforce is a volatile place and no job is ever truly secure so with that in mind, I signed up to go to uni.  I love the concept of study and when I find/make time to actually sink my teeth into it, I enjoy what I am learning.  Naturally finding that time is a challenge all of its own!  Then add in training for Kokoda and there go an extra 8 – 12 hours a week that I didn’t really have to begin with but I love the training, I love the program and words simply can’t express my desire need to go back to Papua New Guinea.

So there are the work related activities that fill my days, evenings and weekends but naturally that isn’t it.  Being a mum, of course there are kids activities to ferry the kids to on a regular basis, weekend sport and the odd birthday party as well.  Now all of a sudden the hours have just completely disappeared.  What I was missing was the chance to just hang out; to sit around with the kids and play board games, to go wandering in the park for no reason, to sit under a tree and read a book as the kids explore, to sleep in or to do nothing.

Naturally as all of this was happening, the laundry just kept piling up until it was threatening to just explode everywhere and the kids are left without clothes that even loosely resemble a school uniform.  The floors, well what can I say about them other than ICK!  The bathrooms are relatively new so they weren’t too gross.  The dust bunnies were planning an uprising to take over the house.  The kitchen was clean(ish) but with crap everywhere that just doesn’t have somewhere to live right now.  Another spring clean is needed!  (I did do a St Vinnies run on the weekend and ditched another 8 garbage bags full of toys, books and games that aren’t frequently played with and there is still stuff every where!)

I guess what I am getting at is that there is too much happening right now to do any thing properly and unfortunately it was those that are near and dear to me that were really feeling the brunt of it.  I know when I should be studying I am not pleasant to be around.  I know that instead of studying I will choose to do the laundry or clean out the fridge or re-organise the garage, anything to procrastinate and prolong the agony.  The things that needed to be done – the cooking or the cleaning would be neglected and then I would dwell on the state of the house instead of studying and it was a no win situation.  I wouldn’t actually clean or study, I would simply contemplate a world where the house was clean and the study was done!  Sure I could let the cleaning go and just deal with the mess but that just isn’t who I am.  I need to be in a somewhat organised environment to survive (and yes unfortunately exploding laundry piles and dirty floors are often a part of said environment!)

Anyway, all of that is about to change.  Tomorrow we have a cleaner starting.  For 3 hours there will be someone other than me making sense of the shamozle that I call home.  The dust on the cabinets will disappear, the floors will be cleaned and dare I say it vacuumed and the dust bunnies will have to find a new place to call home.  I am really really looking forward to getting home from work tomorrow, for a few seconds after a meeting and before soccer training and netball, to a clean house!  Of course what am I about to do now?  Go clean up to get ready for the cleaner!  I can’t possibly have her know just how much of a mess this place is in!

What about you?  Do you have someone to help you out so that you can actually enjoy being with your family, (or if you are anything like me, have your family enjoy your company because you aren’t so grouchy about the state of the house!) or are you organised enough to fit everything in and live in a ship-shape house?  And if you do have someone help out, do you clean up before they arrive?

 
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Posted by on May 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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