Brick Walls

25 Mar

If I were to read my horror-scope today, I am sure it would say that I am surrounded by big, high, sturdy brick walls.  Everywhere I look, brick walls and there is no escaping them.  It doesn’t help that I feel guilty about having had 3 days of relative bliss in Sydney, being away from all of the chaos here last weekend.  Since I have returned I have felt my control and composure slip further away. I feel like I am running at high speed and I don’t know what is going to happen first, will I crash into one of the brick walls or will I just run out of steam first and be trapped behind the walls with nothing to do but bash my head at them?

In many ways, the building of the walls commenced last weekend.  Via twitter, my source of all information, I found out on Friday that there was a fatal collision in my local streets.  I know it is selfish but since I had no frantic phone calls, I knew that my family were all safe.  I hoped and prayed that it didn’t involve anyone from my world and tried not to think of it all weekend.   I didn’t know the who or the how until I walked the kids to school Monday morning.  There were flowers all along the safety barrier at the school crossing.  It turns out that the child that was killed was just outside the school and he was a part of our extended school community.  The school was a very sad place to be.  So that was Monday, a teary day that I couldn’t spend dwelling because of course there was also far too much work that needed doing, oh and all of the domesticity that should of happened over the weekend but didn’t happen, well it had to be contemplated also.

Teary Monday was followed by a teary and draining Tuesday that included 6 hours of driving to go to a funeral.  My dad’s brother had died the previous week after a long illness and I wanted to attend the funeral to support my parents.  An early morning departure, a funeral service (that I managed to avoided the bulk of because I was entertaining my nephew!), a dysfunctional wake and then the return 3 hour drive to get back to Uni by 4.  Now I don’t know if I have mentioned that the bulk of my course, for this semester at least, is off campus, but I do have 2 on-campus sessions, one of which just happened to be on on this long day of hell!  I was late getting there but still had almost 4 hours of sitting in a lecture theatre thinking just how deeply in over my head I am.  Doing post grad study without having done any undergrad work, what was I thinking?  I did manage to find myself a study-buddy so I have someone to try and learn with so that should make it easier.

I am sure that Wednesday happened but to be perfectly honest, I can’t even remember it.  I am guessing that it also included too much work, too much trying to catch up and not much else.

Thursday was another long day at work, a mad rush home to get dinner ready before heading off to soccer practice with girl-child.  I did manage to sit for a bit to just relax for a bit.  Earlier in the day I had read Naomi’s post on being gentle and kind to ourselves, I had commented that I would be kinder to myself and make time to just sit, have a cup of tea and relax.  It was probably the best part of my week!  I should schedule in time like this more frequently.  Of course that time of relaxation was fleeting and it was off to stand around in the cold, watching a bunch of under 9 girls attempting to play soccer.  Fortunately it was a comical hour that gave me an excuse to not attend yet another work meeting!  Home from soccer and my day wasn’t done, I had one more task to tick off my compulsory list for the day, a trip to the gastroenterologist.  It was one of those good news bad news visits, “The good news is that your blood tests and similar that we took all came back normal but it appears that the drugs haven’t worked and you are still losing weight.  Now since you aren’t feeling sick and are managing your digestive issues we can just leave things as they are but if you want a medical clearance for travel, we need to do further testing.”  So now I am waiting around to have cameras poked into multiple places that cameras shouldn’t go, I can’t wait!

And that brings me to today.  Since I am working ALL weekend, I tried to not work today.  I say tried but I was unsuccessful.  I headed in to a meeting before lunch only to have the meeting hijacked by a flunky of the micro-manager and it looks like the whole project could go pear-shaped if they keep intervening.  Instead of heading home after the meeting as I had planned I had to go in to the office to go into damage control mode and I was there until it was time for school pickup.  So much for a day off!  Still to do today is prepare food for the event I am working at tomorrow, clean up the house that still bears the remnants of refuse from last week, work out why there happens to be a box of crumpled and possibly snotty tissues in the study hiding a now very mouldy piece of unrecognisable fruit and perhaps I will even find time to unpack my bag from last weekend!

So that was my week from hell and the reasons behind me feeling completely swamped by everything at the moment.  The annoying part is that next week doesn’t look any less chaotic than this week, in actual fact it is probably going to be even crazier than this week but, touch wood, it won’t involve any funerals or family feuds.  There are holidays coming up soon right?

1 Comment

Posted by on March 25, 2011 in over-share


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One response to “Brick Walls

  1. Ali

    March 25, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    You absolutely have to find some more time for yourself. I know it can seem impossible, especially if all your weeks are like this one!

    Maybe the weight loss and GI issues are just a sign that something has gotta give? Is there any way your hub can take the pressure off a bit, even if it’s just for a little while? You sound just exhausted. Hugs.


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