To Go or Not To Go

30 Sep

So I have been blogging here for over 2 years now, since June 2008 and blogging in general since August 2005.  I love blogging for a number of different reasons.  I love being able to document all the little moments in my life that I may not remember.  I love being a part of something bigger than I am.  I love being the me that I don’t have the confidence to be in the real world.  I love that I can connect to a whole world of amazing people without leaving the comfort of my couch, or if I am really lucky, the sunshine of the back yard or park across the road.

When I started this blog, I used it as a space to be me, the real me.  I could try on different hats if I wanted to.  I could be braver online than I am in the real world.   I didn’t have to be a just a mum struggling to juggle kids, work and all the extras that come with life these days.  I could try to find me, the real me hidden amongst all the mess I was constantly surrounded by.  I came to depend on having this space to call my own.  I connected with other bloggers and actively sought out Aussie bloggers to follow and I have loved being a part of the community that has developed.  Whilst I have loved the community, I am still not brave enough to be actively involved.  I am still filled with doubts about who I am and what the hell I am doing in this space.  Even if I did know what I was doing (and I don’t), I don’t have the time to devote to being completely connected.  I am on Twitter, but don’t tweet frequently (stupid work firewalls and crazy busy times).  I lurk on Facebook.  I am a member of Aussie Mummy Bloggers but I don’t spend enough time there to ‘get it’.  I try to blog regularly and kind of keep up here but am 8 months behind on my other blog.  I read bajillions of blogs, well at least 100 regularly but I don’t comment often enough to be immersed in the community.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this world of blog but overall I am pretty half-arsed with my attempts at social networking and that is where my latest dilemma lies – tickets for the Aussie Bloggers Conference are on sale now.  Do I go or do I wimp out and stay home?

What first attracted me to blogging was the sense of community, especially when I was following US based bloggers and reading about BlogHer and reading about the excitement of meeting other bloggers in real life.  It sounded so exciting and I wished that there was an Australian version.  Well now that there is, I am kind of freaking out.  I don’t do so well in social situations, hence the attraction of blogging.  I like being able to blurt (in type) and then edit.  I like being able to write my anger and frustration to make me feel better, even without pressing publish.  In person, I feel as if I am completely incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together but if I do manage to utter something, I have a terrible case of foot-in-mouth disease and wish that I didn’t open my mouth at all.

I want to be able to say that I was at the very first ever Aussie Bloggers Conference.  I want to meet all the amazing people that I stalk follow but can I deal with the anxiety that will accompany it?

One of my earliest in-real-life meetings of an Aussie Blogger was meeting Karen from Misc Mum at her book launch for Surprise! Meeting her was super nerve wracking, it needn’t have been – she is as lovely in real life as she is online but I was so far out of my comfort zone that I am sure I made a total fool of myself as I hid behind my kids.  I wouldn’t have my kids to hide behind at the conference, it would be all me.

In typical me style, I did go to a Melbourne Bloggers meet-up a while back.  It was an awesome day but knowing that I would be going sans kids, I begged a friend and former blogger to come along with me, to be my security blanket.  As much as I would love to spend the weekend with her, I really don’t think I can convince her to fly to Sydney with me to be my security blanket.

In both of these situations I did survive, in fact I had a great time.  The main difference is that both these events were free.  To go to the conference I need to not only to book a ticket to the conference (by Saturday to get the early-bird discount), but to fly to Sydney and find somewhere to stay.  All in all, not only will the social anxiety be potentially crippling, it is also going to cost a pretty packet.  I know that I will regret not going, I really do want to go and I am pretty sure that I will go, I think.

I have almost convinced myself to click over and book my ticket, but to spend all that money on myself, well that is another hurdle that I will have to conquer.


Posted by on September 30, 2010 in all about me


Tags: , ,

8 responses to “To Go or Not To Go

  1. Karen (miscmum)

    October 1, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    I would love to see you there. I can certainly understand the logistical measures you would need to take into consideration to get up to Sydney. I’ll be there to hold your hand if you need it 🙂

  2. Karen (miscmum)

    October 1, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    p.s Thank you for saying lovely things about me! x Can you believe that day was almost two years ago? Time flies.

  3. corrie

    October 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    go for it! I must admit I rang a friend to check if she was going first but trust me everyone will be so friendly and remember most people won’t know each other IRL!!!


  4. Steff

    October 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    My blogging experience sounds very similar to yours -I used to blog very very anonomously – it was my place to vent – then came kids and gandparents who wanted to keep updated and i started my “pcture a day” blog – well you know how far behind i am on that one – I actully feel now i would lke to disaper back into just writting for me – As for the conference – no way i could convince hubby to PAY for blooggng he is not a fan already – will enjoy readng it through your eyes if you do go

  5. FFG

    October 1, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    I know how you feel. I would much rather attend functions with my kids, my sister, or a friend. It is easier to be outgoing when you feel very comfortable with at least one person. I would toss the idea around too and then chicken out. Perhaps you should go just to be an inspiration to people like us! 🙂

  6. bet365

    October 3, 2010 at 1:12 am

    hello!This was a really admirable subject!
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  7. Trish

    October 3, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    I am so glad you have bought your ticket ;).
    As for me , we may be traveling the wide open plains …so I am not commiting to anything but fingers crossed I’ll have an enough excuses to keep us in Sydney or near enough in NSW to attend.
    I’m really looking forward to metting you.
    PS My then we will be 5-6 months into our 101 lists so we can compare notes.

  8. AJ

    October 4, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    If you don’t go, I will kick you self doubting ass all the way to Sydney myself.


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