My Day, it was lovely but I feel all Bleh!

09 Sep

What did you do today?  My day started off really well with a 5km run around the river.  The sun had just risen and it was warm enough to not need to wear a jumper the entire time.  I arrived home to a still quiet house and could enjoy and extra few minutes of sanity and it was delightful.  When the kids woke they were both happy (a big surprise after the antics of last night – another adventure that deserves a post all of its own once I complete my ponderings) and ate breakfast without too much fuss.  Boy-child even did his spelling in between servings of toast to save time.  They both practiced music without me having to nag and practiced for longer than usual and laughed and had fun whilst doing it, quite a mean feat when you are trying to play a clarinet!

Even after all the morning must-do’s, and a few extra, we were ready for school super early.  We were so early that we could walk to school and the kids met up with friends along the way making the walk in the sunshine even more pleasant.  I had a chance to chat to a few other parents at school and again, it was pleasant, no angst at all, the day was starting off oh-so-well.  The work I had to do for the day wasn’t terribly challenging, I was working home for the day editing photos and building presentations to use tomorrow.  It was going to be a great day.

I began editing my photos on the laptop so I could sit outside and soak up a few rays of sunshine.  I contemplated wandering over to the park but the wireless signal just wasn’t strong enough so it wasn’t worth it.  The laptop wasn’t the fastest so I didn’t last outside for too long, but it was great whilst it lasted.

I stopped for lunch and wandered up to Flemington to eat with my Lil Sis and her bub.  We visited a new cafe, Chef Lagenda, for a delicious lunch (awesome food and fantastic staff) before wandering through the parks on the way home.  Again, I had a great time.

I returned home (eventually) to get some more work done.  I should have enjoyed the work I was doing, editing photos from my Kokoda trip.  Instead of feeling invigorated by reliving the adventure I was starting to feel all bleh.  To build the presentations I am using photos that everyone else took and there are hundreds of them, thousands to be more accurate (10 gig worth at this stage) and it was going to be a loooooooong process.

Before today I had scanned the photos from the other trekkers and I have commented on a number of them on facebook but until now I haven’t really looked at the photos.  Is it possible to feel homesick for a place that has never been home?  I had organised the photos into date order so I was reliving the journey and I wanted to be there.  I was seeing the sense of adventure and wonder but I just wasn’t feeling it.  I could see all the amazing people that I shared the journey with and I just wanted to spend time with them all again. I was starting to feel melancholy.

I continued the journey, reliving the adventure and then I saw the final day of the journey, the day that I was really sick.  Seeing photos of my colleagues around me, helping me and caring for me made me feel an overwhelming urge to see them all, right now, to hug them and thank them for their support.  They were amazing.

My photos pretty much stop at the end of the track, minutes after we crossed under the signs, as I was given my final injection to stop nausea.  Someone took a few generic ‘after the finish post’ photos for me but I hadn’t given much thought to what happened after the that, I was too preoccupied with not throwing up.

I flicked through the other photos and was shown what happened when I wasn’t about.  I saw students and adults laughing and having fun, hugging and celebrating, creating memories.  I missed it all and it made me sad, really sad to have missed celebrating with the people that had become so important to me.  It made me realise just how much of a burden I was at the end of the trek, that people had to ‘baby-sit’ me, to make sure that I was OK.  Not only did I miss the celebrations, I took others away from their celebrating and it made me feel even worse.

So there it is, my work today has made me feel bleh.  I felt much better here…

I want to be here

when I was on an IV and there was a very real chance of not being able to finish, when there was talk of me being carried off the track.  I would rather be back on Imita Ridge being rehydrated, rather than being here.  Looking at all of the photos has made me feel homesick for a place that isn’t my home.  It has made me want to go back to Kokoda even more, so I can trek properly and celebrate completing the journey.  Kokoda is under my skin, I want to relive my time there, not only through my photos and memories but in person.

I am attending a meeting to discuss planning for next years trek.  I am going to cross my fingers and toes to hope that I can be included in the process and ideally travel back to Kokoda.  Please cross everything you can for me, I need to go back.


Posted by on September 9, 2010 in just a day


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2 responses to “My Day, it was lovely but I feel all Bleh!

  1. Leiani

    September 10, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    It’s wonderful that Kokoda has had such a deep effect on you, we all need profound experiences in our lives, that shape us and make us grow. It sounds to me that you need to go back, do it again not to relive but instead to add to your intial experiences there. I really wish you luck with getting the chance to go back. Hope you’re feeling more perky today.

  2. AJ

    September 10, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    It’s been amazing hearing about your journey, I hope you do get to go back next year. But in my experience, part of your heart and mind will always be there.


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