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Saying Goodbye

07 Jun

I don’t like saying goodbye, I don’t like forever, forever hurts and I don’t like it.

I am sitting here with my cat snuggled on my lap, providing some warmth and comfort for her.  Over the last week she has gone from an old cat that was spritely enough to spend her days sunning herself on top of he hot water system, she was out of the way of the way of the kittens and could survey all that was happening in the world.  She could run up and down the stairs and my pillow was her domain.  In the last few weeks since the weather turned cooler, she has needed more warmth.  Instead of sleeping on my head or snuggling between us under the doona she is choosing to spend most of her time sleeping on a fluffy pillow beside the heater downstairs.  Once she stopped sleeping with me, it was like the beginning of the end.  She has all but stopped going upstairs.

My friend (a vet) has been to visit to check her condition and give her some pain relief for her aching hips.  Despite being wobbly on her feet she was well hydrated and appearing comfortable.  She would purr whenever she was stroked or gently hugged.  Together we made the decision that we didn’t want any major medical interventions; she is old and has had a peaceful and loving life.  We want her days to be surrounded by the family that loves her and not medical equipment.  We decided that we would monitor her condition, looking for telltale signs that she was slipping away from us.  Today those signs were becoming apparent; she has lost the desire to groom herself, she isn’t taking food, not even the nutrition supplement she liked, she is drinking more than usual and is really struggling to walk.

I think that it is time to say goodbye.  My friend is coming to visit in the morning and together we will all go visit her vet.  From there, who knows?  Well actually, we do know we just don’t want to admit it.

We really thought that she would live forever, she has been with us for so long, she is a part of our lives.  I don’t know how to say goodbye to her.  I don’t know how to talk to the kids about saying goodbye.  I don’t know if the kids should be with us when we take her too the vet.  How much is too much for their little souls to cope with?  I am sobbing as I type and I don’t know if I can be brave enough to comfort the kids in their sorrow.

I am so tired and so sad.  I don’t want to go to sleep, I want to stay with her an keep her comfortable forever as my heart slowly breaks.

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4 Comments

Posted by on June 7, 2010 in all in the family

 

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4 responses to “Saying Goodbye

  1. Ellen

    June 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    *tearing up*
    I dear. That end that we never did think would come has come. I am feeling for you. Loving you. Sending you hugs from my bed before I fall asleep. Love you all… You will make the right decisions. Get the kids to write lovely letters for Lecia to take with her. (hugs)

     
  2. Steff

    June 8, 2010 at 8:50 am

    Ohhh thats a tough one – I know with my dog i was hoping and hoping i would not have the make “that decision” but they get to a point where you are glad you can – and i know its hard – but it would be harder for you and the kids to watch her die.
    The hard part is the kids – but i think you should let them say goodbye – not come to the vet – just say goodbye in their own way. “Poor kitties body has just stopped working and i dont think it will last through the day (no need to tell them why) do you want to say goodbye incase he body stops working all together?”
    Then maybe a family burial with a spcial rose bush or somethingthat related to your cat that you all went and picked out – kids are suprisingly resiliant – but they will be as hurt as you would if they could not say goodbye.
    (I hope this comes across as sympathetic and huggy as i mean it and not too “animal teacher steff”
    Wishing kitty a lovely velevt cussion infront of a roaring fire in catty heaven – and hugs to you and your family – Its hard to loose a member and harder when you haveto make that decision – but you are doing the right thing!!

     
  3. FFG

    June 8, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Oh, I am so sorry. It is never easy to lose something/someone we love. I think the kids should be able to have a chance to say goodbye too. It is a difficult lesson in life, but will help them cope with other things in the future. ((HUGS))

     
  4. Darren

    June 8, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Thats sad, poor Alicia, I remeber when she was a kitten and used to run up my back…. Yeah i hated that…. But thankfully she grew out of it.

     

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