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Tired, Grumpy and Picking Fights

31 Aug

I think I am trying to do too much.  I have too much happening and I don’t have time to get my shit together.  I am struggling to be a good mum, partner, and employee.  I still haven’t kicked the bug that has been lingering in my body for the last bazillion weeks.  Essentially I am tired and grumpy and not much fun to be around.  I anger easily and all I seem to do is pick fights with anyone who is around.

My work hours have increased a little, the days in the office aren’t long but I am now there EVERY DAY and I don’t get a break.  During the additional 6 hours a week that I am working somehow I am expected to take on the workload of a colleague who has transferred.  Now I am no mathematician but somehow trying to do a new job, a job that previously was done on a full time basis of 40+ hours a week  in a measly 6 additional hours just doesn’t seem to add up.  Something has to give, either I do my job to a lesser capacity, I do absolutely nothing with the new job or I work even more hours (unpaid).  None of these options seem particularly attractive and I think that what is really happening as a result is that I get nothing done other than freak out about what I need to do.

On the home front, well I am not here enough to get on top of things.  I really miss having a day at home every now and then to get shit done, fun domestic things that need doing – laundry, cleaning, getting rid of clutter.  I get resentful that it is important to me to not live in a total pigsty, that I need to clean up instead of going out and having fun.

I was a total bitch to be around almost all of the weekend and as fun as it can be to be a bitch, it wasn’t fun.  I didn’t want to be here.  I didn’t want to be the mum who couldn’t get her shit together.  I hate that I am the boring parent, the one that sets rules and boundaries, the parent that the kids don’t ask to go and play with them in the park because they know that I am tired, or grumpy or just not likely to have fun.  I want to be fun.  I want to be spontaneous.

I am torn in so many directions and I don’t know how to get everything done.  I don’t have the time of energy to do everything as well as it should be done and I hate not doing things properly.  I know it is hard to tell, but I hate complaining all the time, I just want to get my shit together and be in control, or maybe I am just hormonal and moody.  It really bugs me that I have been feeling crappy for what is essentially no real reason at all.  Realistically I have a great life – my family are awesome, I have friends all around me, hell I even have a job that I usually love.  Hopefully I will wake up in the morning and feel better and more realistic about my world.

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3 Comments

Posted by on August 31, 2009 in all about me

 

Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Tired, Grumpy and Picking Fights

  1. lou

    September 1, 2009 at 12:04 am

    Sounds like you need those extra flowers. Will try and get some to you soon.
    P.S. My floor is crunchy and I can’t even use work for an excuse.
    P.P.S We have mice.

     
  2. Mari

    September 1, 2009 at 5:08 am

    I’m with ya, sister. I’d explain more, but I am too fucking tired!! Maybe one day soon we’ll have time to SLOW DOWN and take a breath!

     
  3. Leiani

    September 1, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I can so relate! You are not alone. I love working, and I love my job looking after my home and family. What I don’t love is trying to fit it in to a limited time frame. Maybe if I forgo sleep……..
    This past year has been the best and worst of my life, but at least I have learnt something from it – LET IT GO. I let the stress go.
    I do the best I can do at any given moment and I don’t stress about what I can’t do (well I don’t stress AS MUCH!).
    Hope you feel better. Hugs to you.

     

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