I just decided to blog my latest resolution – to try and find myself in amongst all the flab and thought that I would link to something in this post, except when I went to make the link, I realised that I hadn’t pressed publish. Oops. So here it is, a month or so late, but hopefully it will fill in the gaps for the next post…
Right now I feel like a frumpy blob. I don’t often look in the mirror, but yesterday I did and I really didn’t like what I saw. I can officially say that I am heavier now than I was before I had girl-child. You are probably thinking ‘Yeah, heaps of mums are heavier than before they had kids’ but I am actually HEAVIER THAN I WAS MINUTES BEFORE I GAVE BIRTH TO HER, you know, when the baby and all the fluid and gunk was on the inside! I did lose most of my baby weight both times but have managed to put on about 10 + kgs in the last 2 years. Skirts and pants that I used to wear as hipstiers (when I actually had hips) are now more Harry High Pants. It may be the style but it really doesn’t work for me. I feel like a brick with arms and legs.
I know that realistically I am still not that overweight, in fact the last time I braved the Wii it told me that my weight was on the top end of ‘just right’ for my height and my BMI was hovering somewhere between 25 and 30 (I think, it was some time ago). So I really don’t have that much to complain about, but I am not happy with the way that I look or feel. Other than clothes not fitting comfortably, I am always tired and I take a nap whenever I can, sometimes daily. I have no energy to play crazy games with the kids and they are starting to not ask me to. I want to have the energy to run wild with them, play soccer, climb trees and chase them around the park. I want to be fun again.
How am I going to find me, to get to a position where I am comfortable in my skin? I eat reasonably well, but my diet doesn’t suit me. I have a wheat and mild lactose intolerance but struggle when I cut both from my diet. I had cut wheat from my diet entirely, but it is starting to creep back into my eating. I have always struggled with cutting out lactose. I mean I love salads, I really do, but when you can’t add cheese it really isn’t very substantial. Besides, cutting out lactose also means cutting out chocolate and that really is hard work – I love chocolate. I know that my moods and energy levels are directly related to the foods that I eat, so I need to do something about it.
I don’t want to set myself up for failure, so I will start to going back to wheat free again and actually stick to it. For now I will only reduce my lactose intake and look for cheese alternatives again. I won’t cut chocolate out entirely just yet – it is almost Easter and that means I am most definitely going to overindulge in chocolatey goodness – particularly Cadbury Creme Eggs – YUM! Perhaps next term I will think about chocolate reduction.
As for exercise, I will try to increase what I do. Currently I go jogging with a friend twice a week, play netball once or twice, have soccer training (as a coach so not much exercise really involved) and do a fitness training session once a week. I have been hovering on the brink of wanting to do more, so I downloaded the Couch 2 5km running program, now all I have to do is start it. It requires 3 x 30 minute sessions a week. I want to do it, but this is where the Catch 22 hits me. It means running 5 mornings a week, and that is getting up extra early 5 mornings a week making me even more tired. I know that exercise will make me feel more energised eventually, even if I am exhausted it will be for a physical reason and not just laziness.
So that is where I was a month ago. Little has changed since then, other than 3 weeks of house bound eating, Easter, birthday celebrations, copious amounts of alcohol and NO EXERCISE. Too many opportunities to go out and dress up, only to realise that I don’t have anything that fits any more. I am really, really in need of getting into shape…