In one of my favourite blogs, Zoot refers to undermining the abilities of those near and dear to you when it relates to parenting. Well I have to admit that I am very guilty of this behaviour. I want the messages that the kids receive to be consistent so I guess that I adopt a ‘my way or the highway’ type of attitude.
Tonight I couldn’t cope with the mixed messages the kids were getting from man-child. This, coupled with the lack of control over the pain in the world around me, I felt that I was having a melt down and I needed to get out before I snapped.
As I was wandering around, trying to relax, I began thinking about a girl from high school. I would like to say this girl was a friend, but we weren’t, she was the strange big sister of one of my class mates. She was a year ahead of me, but we shared some classes. As the young kid in the class, I spent time with her and the other class misfits. She wore glasses with purple lenses to help her read and was really the only person I knew at the time who went to counseling. I remember talking during a particularly uninspiring English class about what they talked about. She came up with a term that was used to describe her personality type – a ‘scatterbrained perfectionist’. She really didn’t care about much in life, except for dance and as a result she was failing pretty much every class, but was able to teach dance.
I am feeling more and more like a ‘skatterbrained perfectionist’ lately, the difference is, it isn’t a specific area of my life that requires perfection, instead it is a time. Generally I am relaxed about what needs to be done and when, but I will go from being chilled and not stressed to requiring everything finished, neat, tidy and accounted for. Unfortunately this type of inconsistency is unsettling for everyone, especially the kids.
I think that generally I am able to control the ‘scatterbrained ‘ aspects of my personality, but with so much happening lately, there is more scatterbrained attitudes surfacing (the laundry that needs doing before school tomorrow is probably a perfect example of this). I am back at work tomorrow, so the plan is that I will be too busy to think of all the negatives and make the most of what really is amazing in my own life and accept that I can’t fix everything.