Big Issues in a Little Body

There is always something about the behaviour of my kids that has me freaking out.  It might be a period of being untruthful, or perhaps being melancholy or even being more unruly than ever, whatever it is, it generally passes fairly quickly and whilst the mummy-guilt might kick in and I might stress about the behaviour for a few seconds (or even minutes) I know that everything will work out.  I generally don’t make a big deal about it, instead trying to chat with the kids about possible issues without being confrontational.  I know that together we can work it out and until now that has generally been the case.  Sure we did go through a particularly rough patch last year with the boy at school, bullying and his intense dislike of his teacher and of school in general, but it all worked out and he currently loves going to school.  All was well with the world.

The relaxed approach is the way I like to get things done and it seems to work for us, until now.  I have to admit that I have been freaking out by my girl’s behaviour and attitude lately and what is scaring me most of all is that she is a smaller version of me.  Not the me that I was when I was also 7 but more like the me that I am now.  You see, my beautiful little girl isn’t eating much.  Now this may be normal in many households but not around here.  Both of my monsters eat like, well, like monsters.  Breakfast is always eaten, and can range from a tin of baked beans (a full regular sized tin, not one of those kiddie ones, straight from the can) to 3 slices of toast on a typical day (more for the boy), a huge bowl of porridge if I have had time to make some or even a bowl of pasta if there is any left over from dinner.  Breakfast around here is sizeable, often larger than dinner and on many occasions it is eaten over a few sittings.

Now one would think that with such a large breakfast, perhaps lunch wouldn’t be a big thing but a typical lunch is 1 1/2 rounds of sandwiches, an apple, a mandarin (or banana if they are affordable!), a row of crackers, some cherry tomatoes and a piece of cheese and most of it would be eaten most days.  Sure both kids have had phases of not being hungry at school and being too busy to make time to eat, but it doesn’t last long, and never for more than a week.  Then on the days of not eating much lunch at school, they would clean out the pantry when they got home from school.  Hell, most days even if they have eaten all of their lunch, they clean out the pantry after school and still eat dinner!

Dinner is pretty relaxed, we go for the self serve option.  I pile everything onto the table and they serve themselves.  The boy prefers to eat his food in stages (just like me), eating the meat first, followed by each vegetable individually.  The only real ‘rule’ is that their dinner has to be colourful, they can’t just eat food of one colour otherwise they would both fight over eating the pumpkin or the broccoli!  I find that by doing the self serve dinner, we all eat well and we don’t waste much.  It also makes it easy that I can cook too many vegies and have left overs ready to accompany dinner the following day.  It works for us and as a family we generally eat really well (that doesn’t count tonight when we had fish and chips!)

Anyway, now that I have set the scene for what is normal for around here, let me explain my concerns.  Girl-child has lost her appetite and hasn’t been eating as much as she normally would.  School lunches come home barely touched and not wanting to eat much after school.  She is constantly ‘not hungry’ and in fact makes excuses for why she doesn’t eat.  This morning she actually lied about eating breakfast before we were out of bed to avoid eating.  Over this last week, words like “but I’m not hungry”, or “I am full” (when a meal was barely started) have become normal.  Even “Mummy, I’ve got a tummy ache” seems to be heard around meal time as an excuse for her to be excused from meals.   I don’t want to make a big deal of it just yet but it is scaring me.  As a family we are conscious of what we eat.  We talk about eating food that gives us the energy that we need to do all the fun things that we love to do.  We talk about eating a variety of food and generally meal times are a breeze.  We have been lucky to not have fussy eaters and love trying different cuisines with family favourites being Yemeni, Malaysian and Ethiopian.  Now that it has all changed, I am struggling to know what to do.  Admittedly my eating habits leave a lot to be desired.  Sure I blame getting sick last year and the medical complications I have dealt with since then but it is really hard to set a positive example when I physically can’t.  She watched me sit at the table not eating and listened to me explain why I couldn’t eat in the lead up to my procedures.  She saw me struggling with having to fast and drink the horrible pre-procedure preparations.  I have even explained that it was my lack of appetite that led to me having to go to hospital to have cameras put into my stomach to make sure it was OK.  She seems to have understood this but it hasn’t made a difference.

Adding to all of this, we have many friends who are fasting for Ramadan so she is also aware of the concept of fasting for religious reasons as well as for medical reasons.  She has asked if it is OK for her to fast even if she isn’t Muslim, knowing that I fast at least once during Ramadan when I am going to celebrate Iftar with colleagues.  It is difficult to explain that by fasting I am trying to learn the patience and humility and live my life, if only for one day, in someone else’s shoes.

I really don’t know what has brought on this change in her.  There hasn’t been any size related issues that we are aware of, she is fit, healthy and generally very happy.  She really doesn’t want to talk about it and when we try to talk she gets all defensive and angry, at times even crying.  It really isn’t normal behaviour for her at all and I don’t know just how to deal with it.  We already eat most meals as a family and I don’t want to make a huge deal of her lack of appetite for fear it makes her retreat further.

I really thought we would get at least close to teen years before this became an issue.  Any suggestions on what to do to promote healthy happy eating?

 

Sundays in my City #70 – Needing a Sugar Fix!

After yet another crazy crazy week of work and surprisingly another opportunity to go out and have fun, Sunday rolls around and I am tired and maybe a little grumpy when I realise that I haven’t had the camera out at all (I don’t even know where the point and shoot is hiding.  I take a billion photos at soccer to make up for not having any pictures for the week but since they are photos of other peoples kids, I really don’t want to post them here without permission.  What to do?  Sure I could go back out and get some pics in the park, but it is cold and I am tired, perhaps even hungry.  Time to get girl-child into action and make some cookies.

We used a great recipe from Nic at Planning with Kids – 100s of Biscuits.

What I love best is that the recipe calls for an entire tin of condensed milk – that means that I don’t eat the left over half tin of sweet goodness, instead I eat the cookie dough!  I was so busy eating the mixture helping girl-child that I didn’t even grab my camera, just the trusty phone, to capture the fun.

Squishy Dough Goodness

Taste Test

(Some of) the Finished Product

 We cooked dozens of biscuits and froze half the dough for emergencies!  Hooray for a great recipe and for having a sweet treat for the kids lunch boxes for a change.

 Head over to Unknown Mami and check out some of the adventures others have had during their Sundays in my City as I head back out in the cold to pick up the kids from the party!

 

Sundays in my City #68 – Motherguilt and Jedi Warriors

So I have been back for almost a week but to be honest, my head is still in the jungle.  The kids have made the most of me feeling guilty about being absent and managed to convince me that they needed costumes for a party they were attending (they are there now!)  Of course they didn’t NEED costumes, in fact it isn’t a costume party but it IS a Star Wars themed party but the mother guilt kicked in and I spent my morning yesterday, before heading to work, making costumes for them.

Should I admit having never seen any of the Star Wars movies so the kids had to google images for me to work from?

A princess and a jedi

My Jedi

My Princess

I have no idea if they looked like the characters they are pretending to be but the other kids at the party seemed impressed!

 Head over to Unknown Mami and check out some of the adventures others have had during their Sundays in my City as I head back out in the cold to pick up the kids from the party!

 

Reclaiming My Happy Place

I am working too much, studying too little and have no time to just hang out with my monsters let alone finding time to blog or tweet.

Blogging and spending time here was my happy place.  Most days I could be found sprawled across the couch for at least half an hour with my laptop keeping me warm, it was one of my most favourite places to be.  Invariably I was reading blogs or writing my own posts, I was writing for my own pleasure, for fun, for sanity and for connection to a world that I love.  Towards the end of term my reality changed, I was only getting a chance to open the laptop of a morning, in between going for a run and making school lunches, to see if there is anything I MUST respond to, to have a quick glance at facebook and if I get time, to look at Twitter and then it is time to get the superRelish show on the road for another day.

Days were crazy and weekends were non-existent.  In fact, other than the weekend that I was in Sydney for the Aussie Bloggers Conference, I worked at least one day of every single weekend, some weekends working more than 20 hours.  I tried to take off time in lieu during the week but it never really worked.  Instead of working a full day I would work only 6 hours instead of 12 hours!  Add to that the piles of domesticity that just didn’t get done and I was beyond swamped.

I was on leave last week, with a plan to have a quiet week at home with the kids and to get some study done, with a major case study due to be submitted.  Naturally my world conspired against me and I ended up working for three really long days at a camp.  Normally I love working at holiday camps, this time?  Not so much.  In fact I would go as far as saying it was the worst camp I have worked EVER.  I could go on and on about how the young people on the camp, as individuals were mostly lovely but as a group were appalling and DID NOT SLEEP but that wouldn’t really prove anything other than justify my added exhaustion.  To make matters worse, I didn’t have any internet connection other than via my phone.  Certainly not enough for me to write a fully referenced case study (do I sound like I know what I have to do?)  I managed to stay online long enough to apply for an extension for my case study and that was all.  Needless to say, when I returned from camp I was tired, grumpy, frustrated at being behind in my study as well as feeling oh-so-old.

And speaking of old, Friday was my birthday.  I did have a lovely day at home with the kids not doing too much, ordering in delicious food to share with friends and just relaxing.  It was followed by a weekend of no obligations.  It was amazing.  Three whole days with nothing that I HAD to do other than to hang out with the family.  Total bliss.  Now that I am older and hopefully the crazy-busy of the term is over and not to be repeated any time soon, I hope to maintain some of the same levels of relaxation and calm I am feeling now.

My plans for this week?  Well the kids have gone to my parents for the holidays so that they can get some fresh country air and catch up with friends and cousins.  It will also give me an opportunity to get some work done without stressing about what the kids are up to, what we are going to eat or how I am going to play catch up with my study.  I don’t have a busy work week so I will catch up on my study and I hope to get plenty of sleep too.  I am going to get back in to training.  All going well I will reconnect with old friends online and maybe even make some new friends too.  I might even get time to tweavesdrop, perhaps even join in on a few conversations again.  Overall, I hope to reclaim my happy place both on and offline.

 

The Latest Dance Dilemma

I posted ages ago about how the kids both dance and about the experiences we have had at the different dance schools that they have both attended; the teachers, the environment, the other parents and of course the crazy end of year concerts (here is the post).  I think the post ended with me preferring the new studio to the old one, either that or I was just too lazy to look at moving schools again.

Anyway, information came home a few weeks ago about the end of year extravaganza and both kids decided that they wanted to take part, no surprises there.  They had to sign ‘contracts’ saying they would commit to going to all of the classes and additional rehearsals, including taking time off school.  They intended to go to all classes so that shouldn’t be a problem, except it is – we are going away for three weeks in November, meaning they will be missing 3 weeks of classes, less than 2 weeks before the concert date.  We all sat around and talked about it rationally.  They both wanted to do the concert but knew that they would be behind in the routines by being away for so long, and that they would no doubt be exhausted from the holiday and busy when we returned.  Without too much cajoling from me, they said that they would miss this year’s concert and recover from their holiday.  All was well, I got out of the madness easy, it was time to celebrate, or so I thought.

I withdrew the kids from the concert last week and this week girl-child’s teacher let me know that she was happy for girl-child to take part in the concert even if she did miss so many classes, she already knows all the routine and picks up new work quickly so she would cope with any last minute changes.  I was still sitting on the fence being non-committal and said I would let her know after the holidays, after we all discussed it.  I didn’t want one child dancing in the concert (costing me a fortune) and not the other.  I know it is a cop-out, but I wasn’t going out of my way to talk to boy-child’s teacher and was hoping to let the whole concert thing slide!

As we were leaving the studio, boy-child ran ahead.  I got downstairs to see boy-child chatting with his teacher.  The two of them were really animated as they stirred each other up.  His teacher mentioned to me that he was doing really well in his class and has amazing technique, especially since he had just admitted to ‘never practicing’!  I had to ask him if he thought he would be ready to dance in the concert and the answer was a resounding ‘yes’.  I mentioned that we would be away heaps in the lead up and the teacher said he would modify the routine to make sure he was able to keep up, he had worked really hard and as the youngest in the class he had the most natural ability.  I have to say my parental pride went through the roof and more importantly, boy-child was positively beaming and even promised to practice, just a little bit.

What am I to do now?  Both kids want to dance in the concert, both teachers think they will cope with missing out on three weeks work.  I know that after 3 weeks of holidays they WILL be exhausted, add to that extra dance rehearsals and time off school and I don’t know if they (or I) will cope with it all.  I want the kids to enjoy being in the concert and I especially want boy-child to continue to love dancing and keep wanting to go to classes.

I think I have answered my own questions, I want them to be in the concert.  At least I have a 2 week grace period during the school holidays to decide.  If the break isn’t too hectic then maybe they will survive the madness.  Someone please convince me I am insane or take out a second mortgage and come to the concert with me!

 

Ready to Go?

My bag is packed (I think) and now it is time for me to try and get some sleep.  I am so very tired but at the same time I am too nervous and excited to sleep.  I still hear the kids awake but I am too afraid to go upstairs again for fear of setting the tears off again.  I think that they are now resigned to the fact that when they wake up in the morning I will already be on a plane, flying north waiting for my ginormous adventure to begin.  I have left a new journal and pen for them so they can document what they get up to when I am away and then share it with me (if they want to) when I get back.  The softies that we made together will be left on their pillows as I kiss them goodbye before heading out on my adventure in the wee hours of the morning.

I have suggested that the superRelish crew visit the Shrine of Remembrance on Sunday the 8th of August for Kokoda Day, to celebrate and to remember with the 39th Battalion the first re-capture of Kokoda to gain an understanding of the importance of the Kokoda campaign.  Having begun my trek from Kokoda on the 7th, I will spend the 8th of August walking from Isurava to Templetons 2 with a stop at Isurava Memorial to pay tribute to all those that fought for Australia in the Kokoda campaign in World War II.

In the time that I am away, I will have very limited access to the ‘outside world’, I will however making a satellite call each evening for a regular ‘guest post’ over at the Moonee Valley Weekly blog so please drop by and comment.  For some background on the adventure, check out the article published in the latest edition of the Moonee Valley Weekly.  See you in 12 days and be prepared for the eleventy billion photos and the accompanying that are sure to follow.

 

Heartbroken

Right now I am feeling like the worst parent in the world.  I have just dropped the kids at school which involved dropping a nearly hysterical girl-child over to her teacher.  You see, this time tomorrow I will be boarding a plane to fly to Papua New Guinea to walk the Kokoda track.  It will be the trip of a lifetime, I will spend 8 days walking, challenging myself physically and mentally.  Hopefully during this trek I will find out about who I really am.  What I have discovered already is that I am a mum, and my heart is breaking watching my littlest sob in fear.  My girl-child is an overly socially aware 6 year old.  Not only is she aware of the world directly around her, she is aware of the wider world.  It hasn’t helped that over the past 3 months she has overheard ‘friends’ lecturing me about the dangers of walking a track such as the Kokoda Track.  Hearing or overhearing people tell me that I need to drink plenty of water to stay healthy followed by other well wishers with ‘don’t drink too much water or you will die’! statements has left her more than a little concerned.  That is exactly what a child doesn’t need to hear when her mum is about to embark on that track.  Her fears have been manifesting in almost daily nightmares that is contributing to lack of sleep making her even more fragile than she already is.

We have had plenty of snuggly chats discussing the amazing adventure that I am going to have and the only thing I am sad about is that I will miss my family and I wished that they could be with me.  We have planned for ways for me to stay fit and healthy; she knows that all of the training that I have been doing will make me stronger on the track, she has read with me about the food that we carry with us and seen and tried the hydration packs to know that I will always get just the right amount of water to keep me healthy.  She has seen photos of the other people that I am trekking with and in fact could probably even point out from the photos who the paramedic is and also the other first-aid trained trekkers!  She knows we will be trekking together to keep each other safe but all of this doesn’t undo the knowledge that people do actually die when doing the trek, she doesn’t know the circumstances surrounding the deaths (nor do I), only that they took place.   We have talked about the excitement of having to catch 3 different planes to get there.  Fortunately I have made sure the news isn’t on TV when she is about to hear of the tragedy of recent air crashes, so the air travel isn’t a problem.

I am going to write a journal and take about 30 bajillion photos as I trek and I am giving her (and boy-child too) a journal that they can record all the adventures and dramas that happen when I am away so that they can share them with me when I get back.  Yesterday girl-child made me a softie to take with me, to keep me safe and to give cuddles to when I am missing her.  I am making one for both boy-child and girl-child, to leave in their beds as I sneak out of the house in the wee hours of the morning tomorrow.  I have bookmarked the site where I will be blogging daily so she can read about what we have achieved.  She will be surrounded by family and friends the entire time I am away and will actually have more opportunity to be spoilt rotten than usual.  Despite all of this, I feel still like the worst parent in the world, I chose to go on this adventure, I chose to leave them at home with man-child and grand parents, I chose to try and make myself a better person.  I know that in the long run we will all benefit from this time yet right now I am so completely saddened by not being here to protect my babies.  My heart is torn in two, wanting to go on a grand adventure and be here keeping my family safe and sound.

 

Getting Things Done

I want to preface this by saying I don’t want to cast dispersions toward mothers who returned to full time work with young babies, in fact I am in awe of people who can manage to get everything done.

I picture the family that used to live over the road from us.  They had 3 boys, the older 2 were the ages of my guys.  Both parents worked almost full time and the kids were in long day care or before and after school care.  They would all be dressed and out the door on the way to school by 7.30 every morning, often before my kids were even awake.  They would arrive home after 6 each day as my guys were trudging upstairs for the bath, book and bed routine.  Simply by the proximity of our homes I knew that they didn’t go to bed before 8 each night.  I was/am in awe of the family.  The kids were amazing; well balanced, intelligent, involved in music and sport.  Each weekend involved swimming lessons, sport and music lessons or recitals.  They still managed to spend quality family time together.  How do they and other families manage?  I could ask them directly but they have moved overseas for a few years (did I mention that studying languages together was another family activity they shared).

I know this family isn’t unique, many families work long hours and use extended child care, how do they do it?

I have recently returned to full time work but have had heaps and heaps of time off work using up my tremendous stockpile of annual leave so full time hasn’t really been full time.  That said, the days that I have been at work have been long days and I am struggling to balance my load.

Until now I have been really lucky working different shifts and being part-time has meant that I have always had the flexibility to either be about for school drop off or pick up but now things are changing.  I truly want to know how parents who work full time out of the home actually get anything done and spend any quality time with their family.  You see the dynamics of our family really don’t cater for long days and before and after school care, particularly at this time of the year.  Reasons that extended days don’t work for us are often the reasons that other families think we are either lucky, too strict/controlling or just downright insane.  Since our kids started sleeping through the night they have slept or been in bed from 7.30 or 8pm until around 7am.  Now if I worked a traditional office based job we would be required to work, I am guessing from 9 until 5.  Add on travel time and the inevitable hiccups that happen when one is in a hurry, we are looking at a day that goes from 8 until 6.  That would mean that kids would be in before and after school care.  To get to work by 9 I can avoid before school care and drop the kids at 8.45 giving us time to do reading, music and forgotten homework of a morning before school but often it is a rush if the kids sleep in.

By starting late there really is no way I can finish work early every day.  If we imagine that the kids were in care after school and were collected at the end of the day, at 6pm what would we do for dinner?  Would it require me getting up even earlier to check that readers were done and homework completed as I prepared something for dinner to throw in the crockpot?  Assuming that I had pre-prepared dinner – crockpot surprise, dragged something from the freezer, made a simple pasta or steamed a pile of pre-chopped vegies , you can’t just walk in the door and just have dinner, there are always finishing touches that need doing.  Before I have even had a chance to sit down, 6pm becomes 6.30pm.  Now normally, on days that I don’t work until 6, we eat dinner at 6, sometimes even earlier if the kids are tired.  They are in the shower or hot tub by 6.30 on the nights that they do bathe.  I admit that there are nights that they don’t have a shower because they are both ready to fall asleep as they are eating!  On a night now that we have an activity after school or the kids are dragged in to work with me after school the kids eat a mini-dinner in a lunchbox after school – a toasted sandwich, a couple of pieces of fruit and a packet of rice crackers.  This will tide them over until the real dinner is ready.  It is these nights that a shower is most likely to be skipped in favour of sanity or they jump in the hot tub as I clean up the dinner mess.  This usually allows them to get to bed before a melt down.

I really don’t know where I was going with this.  I think it was to find out what other people do to manage their time and still have time to stay sane?

Currently, with flexible work hours and an abundance of leave I can almost manage.  We generally have healthy dinners, we usually have clean clothes (but often don’t wear them) and generally make it to each commitment on time but it is getting harder and harder to do.  Add homework into the mix and time is really short or f we do have time we are all so tired and frazzled that we seem to annoy each other instead of appreciating being together.  Any suggestions on how we can survive this full-time work gig without going completely insane?

 

Playing the Game

Well we survived the three way conferences at school but they didn’t pan out the way that we had hoped.  In fact, I walked out feeling annoyed at myself for playing the game.  It was apparent quite early in the 15 minutes we had allocated that this wasn’t the time or place to discuss boy-child’s fit in the classroom.  I felt like we were being talked at and not too.  Any positive comments were hidden in negatives and boy-child spent most of the time nervously picking at his hands or the edge of the table whilst he was being grilled.  It was as if he was sitting in an interrogation room.

I guess it is important to note that I felt even more intimidated in the classroom than I expected.  Boy-child’s key teacher is loud and abrasive even when she is just talking, her co-teacher even appeared intimidated by her.  We did discuss a few strategies to help him in the classroom but essentially both man-child and I walked out after the conference thinking that he won’t be any more supported.  I got the overwhelming feeling that this class will show him how to conform and be fitted neatly into a tidy little package rather than develop who he really is.  Even during the conference boy-child was told that he needed to play the game, to just do what he had to do in class even if he didn’t like it.  I was looking more for discussion about how to get him excited about doing classwork.  Hell I would even be happy if his motivation for doing classwork would be less time to do fun things but there appears to be no consequence of not doing work.  Sure he got a crappy grade but realistically, what kind of motivation is a crappy grade for an 8 year old?

I am disappointed in my lack of participation throughout the conference other than supporting boy-child.  I would like to think that it was because I could see that it wasn’t the best time to talk and not because I didn’t have the balls.  Ideally we need to meet with the teachers again to talk about strategies that we can research and test to get him more motivated in the classroom.  This would be best done when the teachers can have more time to prepare specifically for us and our needs and not on churning through every student in the class in a day.  In the meantime we will do some research into ways that we can best support boy-child in his learning without piling too much pressure on him.  Despite what his report says, I know he is an intelligent boy with no motivation to participate.  I think he will learn more out of the classroom this year than he will learn in the classroom.

I really don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the lack of resolution from the conference only to say that I didn’t find the experience or the classroom environment very positive.  Fortunately it was the polar opposite when we walked into the conference for girl-child.  Her teacher was so positive about the classroom environment and actually listened to what we had to say.  She even picked up on the subtleties of the conversation when we were discussing areas of improvement she was able to suggest areas that boy-child can support her learning.  He wasn’t a part of the conversation but it was important for girl-child to know that her brother is intelligent and articulate and can support her at school too.

I feel that girl-child would survive and even thrive in almost any classroom environment, she is a people pleaser and is able to please people because she has a desire to learn and grow without constant encouragement.  Boy-child on the other hand needs to be in an environment that inspires him, that makes him want to learn again.  I hope that we can help him find some passion to want to learn again, I don’t want him to survive just by playing the game, I don’t enjoy just playing the game and he can’t enjoy it either.

 

Not a School Day

I am sitting at home today, wishing selfishly that I could enjoy a fun day at home with the kids but instead I am trying to supervise boy-child with his homework whilst keeping girl-child occupied and not distracting the boy.  It is not so much fun as he is very easily distracted.  The kids are home today, not because I felt that they could do with a day of school to save everyone’s sanity but because it is a student free day with three-way conferences to discuss the progress of the students with the teacher.  I am not looking forward to the conference for more many reasons, one being that I think I am intimidated and disappointed in the boy’s teacher.  I know that is a fairly strong statement but let me explain.

Each day, usually on the way home from school and again as we have dinner we talk about our day; what we have done, what we have enjoyed and what we could have done better.  Often the discussion will focus on social relationships more than actual school work to try and combat the underlying bullying issues that boy-child has experienced.  He isn’t the most communicative of kids, perhaps that is something that he gets from me but we seem to be getting by.  Over the past month, things have been starting to change.  On a number of occasions, the boy-child has begun qualifying his statements with “I want to tell you something but please don’t get angry…”  This is usually followed by a statement of something that is happening in class rather than at school in general.

One of the most concerning statements was that he sits on a table in the class all by himself.  The class have set seats for a week or two and are then moved to different seats and working group.  We assumed that everyone had a turn at sitting on their own so we weren’t overly concerned.  We followed up the chat with him last week, asking him who he was sitting with and he said that everyone else had swapped seats but he was still on his own.  It seems that he isn’t included in this revolving seating arrangement because he is a trouble maker and his behaviour is so distracting that he can’t sit next to any other students.  Now it seems to me that if a child’s behaviour is so difficult then perhaps it is time to speak with the parents to discuss their behaviour.   He is adamant that we don’t go to school to make an issue of where he is sitting and we were happy to follow his lead knowing that we had the conference coming up.

Another comment that we found concerning was he now says he “knows how to play the game”.  When we talked to him about it, he explained that his teacher told him to “Just play the game, to say yes even if you don’t care because it is what the other person wants to hear”.  This concerns me greatly, I don’t want him just pretending to agree with someone if he disagrees.  I want him to be able to articulate how he is feeling and to negotiate.  Of course I know when there are times for a person, whether it is a child or a colleague or anyone else, to be able to recognise that there are times that they are required to just sit down, shut up and get on with the task at hand but that situation doesn’t call for someone just agreeing.  I want him to be passionate about the school work he is doing and want to do it not just serve platitudes and play the game.  I think it is showing him how he can be rude and cheeky at best but at worst being deceitful.  Moving on from this, then their is the school report that he sheepishly brought home last Friday.  Without him even seeing what was written inside he asked that I not get annoyed at him.  It was an indication of what he expected I would find inside.

2 years ago he was ahead of where he should be at school.  Even last year, the year from hell school-wise with so much time missing due to injury and illness then social isolation he was doing well in class.  He has always been lazy but the teacher was able to motivate him to actually produce good work and try in class.  This year, the telling sign is the scale recording his work habits, his effort in class and behaviour.  The scale begins at needs attention, then acceptable, very good and excellent.  He has gone from very good down to acceptable and judging from the comments associated with the report, he has just scraped in at acceptable.  Again I am thinking that if a child that demonstrates behaviour that is barely acceptable and is disruptive you would want to work with the parents and child to look at strategies that would help in the classroom.  Of course I am no teacher, it is just a suggestion.

The reports are written in 2 sections, the general section that has the classroom learning and then a section for specialist classes, physical education, art, drama and music.  Reading through his report you would think that the reports had been switched.  He was barely surviving in his regular classes.  He was disinterested and not very co-operative.  It was difficult to grade his writing ability because he rarely did any writing.  Then you look at his artistic based classes and in each discipline it showed that he was a positive contributor in class; he took part in discussions, was happy to write about his learnings and was a pleasure to have in the class.  If I didn’t know better I would think that the reports were mixed up but I know that he loves music, drama and art.  He is quite co-ordinated and is happy to play sport also so that made sense.  The specialist teachers have no trouble communicating with him and having him contribute in class so there is no need for them to want to discuss his behaviour.

In T-minus 2 1/2 hours we will be sitting in his three way conference.  I am feeling nervous already.  I want to be able to show my support for my boy whilst learning about what is not happening in class.  I don’t want to become argumentative, angry or upset.  I want to know what the school can do to support him and what his teachers think that we can do to support his learning at home and make his time at school more productive.  We are making an appointment to meet with a teacher from an alternative school to see if she can suggest ways to get him engaged in class.  Above all, I want to know if his behaviour is so disruptive, why haven’t we been asked to meet with the teachers before because at this stage it feels like he has wasted 6 months at school, causing trouble and losing confidence in his own abilities.

As I sit here typing away, he is happily doing his Information Report that he needs to bring with him to the conference.  I don’t know if he is late in returning it because our communication from home to school is also lacking, but that is another rant entirely.  He has worked solidly for the best part of three hours making sure that his Information Report is just right.  He didn’t want to break for something to eat because he was enjoying what he was doing.   He is almost finished and is already planning what to research for another Information Report.  Why isn’t this replicated in class when he is doing his ‘real’ school work?

I do acknowledge that I only have part of the information in this saga, and the information is being fed to me via a not-very-communicative 8 year old boy.  Hopefully in a few hours I will be better armed to know what is happening with his education and more importantly his happiness and confidence.