Birthday Parties – Breaking My Own Rules

This week I have broken most of my self imposed rules, one of which relates specifically to birthday celebrations.  I ‘don’t do birthday parties‘ for the kids every year, instead the celebrator can take a friend and go to the movies and have a sleep over (hasn’t happened yet) or we have cake in the park with a few friends (generally 3 or 4) on the day and we always have a family and friends barbeque the following weekend.  Now that seems like it should be simple right?  Well when I found out that there were only 7 girls in girl-child’s class and she was inviting 4 of them to her ‘cake in the park shindig’ and then realised that another girl and her sister would just turn up and eat cake as she lives opposite the park there would only be 2 girls in her class that wouldn’t be invited.  That was when I relented and allowed her to invite the 7 girls.  Add on neighbours, walk-bys and siblings and all of a sudden the small gathering became a rather large gathering.  It wasn’t too much of a hassle, in fact it was fun, however I did break my rules.

Then we get to the friends and family barbeque that kind of grew larger than expected.  It started just as us, my parents, Lil Sis and Billy.  Being a school girl now, girl-child doesn’t often get to see one of her oldest and best friend who goes to another school many suburbs away so we have to wait until weekend to catch up so of course we invited her and her family over.  Surprising all of us was the other Grandma and Aunt who came to visit, something that happens very infrequently.  Then of course what is a barbeque without neighbours so add a few more families to the ‘guest list’ and before we knew it the house was overflowing and a real celebration was in swing.

All the kids ate and then jumped in to the hot tub to splash away the afternoon until it was cake time.

More Birthday Cake

So for someone who doesn’t do birthday parties I feel as if I have allowed girl-child to celebrate a little too much.  Now ordinarily going over the top wouldn’t be such a bad thing normally but boy-child has missed out entirely.  His birthday is in the week before the school year begins.  He wanted to invite a friend over for a wii day and maybe a sleep over but this ‘friend’ would only come over if another boy would be there too – another boy that I really don’t like.  Besides, what does it say if a kid will only come over if they can bring their own friend.

I had visions of boy-child being excluded and having a horrible day so we were able to convince him to postpone his celebration until school started back and he could invite new friends from his new class.  Of course as wonderful as that sounded, he didn’t really settle in well.  Before he had a chance to make any new friends he dislocated his elbow and broke his arm and became even more isolated.  By the time he recovered it was the middle of Winter, 6 months after his birthday and man-child’s birthday.  The following holidays the weather was better but he was back in hospital for more surgery so there wasn’t much point in having a party then either.

The poor boy did have a small family shindig but hasn’t celebrated his birthday with friends, he didn’t even complain when girl-child had a ‘real birthday party’.  I feel so guilty about him missing out that I know that I will continue to break my party rules and he too will have a real birthday party next year.

All the motherguilt aside, the birthday celebrations were fun, the weekend was great and exhausting.  Perhaps I need to review my set of rules, take a chill pill and just have fun.

1000+

I think my Reader is reflective of the state of my life at the moment.  It is currently reading 1000+ and chaotic.

I want to hit ‘Mark All As Read’, and then I panic that I am going to miss out on something really exciting so I am sitting here trying to multi task, skimming through my ‘must read’ folders, playing bingo with the kids and imagining that the cleaning fairies are working their magic in the mess I call a house whilst procrastinating about making dinner and wishing I were sound asleep somewhere in the sun.

Instead, I wonder what recipes Google can suggest using eggplant and rice?

Wasted Days

I have been away here for a while for about 3 billion reasons, but I am guessing the main reason is that I don’t know who I am at the moment.  I seem to be everything for everyone else and nothing for me.  I have been helping friends through some pretty difficult situations of late, some with work issues and another with serious marital problems.  On top of that I am to be the best big sister I can be as the arrival of Baby Billy looms closer and closer – 3 weeks to wait.  Then of course there is work, far too much work to do in a dysfunctional office.  Underlying all of this is the desire to be the best mum I can be which I am afraid isn’t actually the best mum when I am so distracted all of the time.

It is school holidays and naturally I have been working.  The kids have been visiting with mum and dad since the weekend so that I don’t have to deal with the logistical nightmare of enrolling the kids in school holiday programs.  The kids love going to mum and dad’s house – I can’t imagine why?  Playing all day long, visiting cousins and going out for dinner really can’t be that much fun for kids!

Of course when you are on a roll, the world conspires to make things even more fun.  As we speak, the kids are on their way back home, boy-child is due in at the hospital at noon to sit around and no doubt wait for hours before having surgery to have the screws removed from his elbow.  They have been up since 6am so that he could have a giant breakfast as he has to fast from 6.30am.  I wish my parents luck for the 3 hour drive here with no food to keep the kids sane – on the drive there they stopped for a fruit break where he ate an apple, mandarin and 2 bananas and that was after having a ginormous roast lunch and dessert!  I don’t think it will be a pleasant drive.

In the absence of the kids I should have been having heaps of fun, sleeping in and going out.  In reality I have been waking early without an alarm but still feeling tired.  I have been running a little, but not actually feeling fit or healthy but tired and sore.  Knowing that I have to take time off work to allow boy-child to recover from his surgery I have been working crazy hours.  I worked an entire week in only 3 days.  I feel good about the work that I have done, but I know that I will be swamped by the time I eventually go back to work in a week.

It has been strange coming home from work to a quiet house.  I was so disturbed by the silence that on Monday evening I had an hour to fill before going out for dinner.  It was strange that I didn’t enjoy the silence.  Normally I am silently pleading for peace and quiet but this day it disturbed me.  I ended up getting my cup of tea and taking it over to the neighbours house just to be a part of the noise of family life.

I did go out for dinner with friends.  Now that really isn’t something surprising or even unusual, but what was unusual was going to bid farewell to friends.  One friend was heading to Noosa for a well deserved holiday the following day and the other was packing up her life and moving to Hong Kong with her husband.  I am so happy for them to be starting a new adventure together and I know she will be back in Melbourne many times in the next few months finalising their move but I really miss them.

I guess I am just tired and grumpy and feeling isolated.  I know that is a strange concept with so many people still around me, perhaps I am just tired of being the ‘fix it’ person for everyone else.  Maybe I just miss my kids and the insanity and busy-ness that surrounds them.  Maybe I just need a holiday but for now I just need my kids home, for today to be over and for my boy to be back home from hospital and recovering happily so I know all is well and we can enjoy the final week of the holidays together.

Spring Cheer

Whilst nothing has really changed other than my attitude, things are looking up.  The interwebs is a fantastic place to visit for support, sanity and a healthy dose of ‘wake up to yourself’.  Oh and of course there are beautiful flowers, picked from a beautiful friend’s garden just to cheer me up.

Spring Cheer

Ash over at Chatabox posted yesterday a list about things that she is grateful for and she has motivated me to think about all the good that surrounds me.  I even went as far as downloading an app for my phone – a gratitude journal, a place where I can record all the little things that make my life great.

Little things that are great…

• It is Spring, flowers are in bloom (and in a vase on my bench) and warm weather is surely on the way.
• Going out for dinner with a great friend
• The support of friends near and far

Tired, Grumpy and Picking Fights

I think I am trying to do too much.  I have too much happening and I don’t have time to get my shit together.  I am struggling to be a good mum, partner, and employee.  I still haven’t kicked the bug that has been lingering in my body for the last bazillion weeks.  Essentially I am tired and grumpy and not much fun to be around.  I anger easily and all I seem to do is pick fights with anyone who is around.

My work hours have increased a little, the days in the office aren’t long but I am now there EVERY DAY and I don’t get a break.  During the additional 6 hours a week that I am working somehow I am expected to take on the workload of a colleague who has transferred.  Now I am no mathematician but somehow trying to do a new job, a job that previously was done on a full time basis of 40+ hours a week  in a measly 6 additional hours just doesn’t seem to add up.  Something has to give, either I do my job to a lesser capacity, I do absolutely nothing with the new job or I work even more hours (unpaid).  None of these options seem particularly attractive and I think that what is really happening as a result is that I get nothing done other than freak out about what I need to do.

On the home front, well I am not here enough to get on top of things.  I really miss having a day at home every now and then to get shit done, fun domestic things that need doing – laundry, cleaning, getting rid of clutter.  I get resentful that it is important to me to not live in a total pigsty, that I need to clean up instead of going out and having fun.

I was a total bitch to be around almost all of the weekend and as fun as it can be to be a bitch, it wasn’t fun.  I didn’t want to be here.  I didn’t want to be the mum who couldn’t get her shit together.  I hate that I am the boring parent, the one that sets rules and boundaries, the parent that the kids don’t ask to go and play with them in the park because they know that I am tired, or grumpy or just not likely to have fun.  I want to be fun.  I want to be spontaneous.

I am torn in so many directions and I don’t know how to get everything done.  I don’t have the time of energy to do everything as well as it should be done and I hate not doing things properly.  I know it is hard to tell, but I hate complaining all the time, I just want to get my shit together and be in control, or maybe I am just hormonal and moody.  It really bugs me that I have been feeling crappy for what is essentially no real reason at all.  Realistically I have a great life – my family are awesome, I have friends all around me, hell I even have a job that I usually love.  Hopefully I will wake up in the morning and feel better and more realistic about my world.

Goodbye July (pt 4) or Why I Hate July (pt 5)

What went wrong?

So we clearly arrived safe and sound and had a chance to explore our new home.  Man-child was to have the first week off work so that we could settle in as a family.  In reality, his week off work upon arrival was just like his week off work prior to departure – it didn’t happen, he had to work every day except the 4th.  He did only work part days, going to the must attend meetings and such but it did make it difficult to get organised.

That first week, when we had time together we confirmed the kids places at a daycare that we liked.  It was going to be a chance for the kids to meet other kids and make friends.  The daycare was at the local Y and had an awesome program that included swimming, cooking and story time in English, Spanish and French.  The program coordinators and teachers were delightful.  It all sounded too perfect, boy-child was going to be in the Koala class and I was sure that it was a sign.  We could have started them there the following day but since it was still summer holidays, we planned on waiting a few weeks before they would actually start, that way I wouldn’t be too lonely during the days!

We also used this time to check out our new apartment.  It was fantastic.  The apartment itself had 3 bedrooms and a huge loft/play space, a decent kitchen and 2 bathrooms.  It was on the third (top) floor in a complex that was full of kids and young families.  There were barbeques in the gardens, toys strewn around the play areas, swimming pools, basketball courts, a gym, playgrounds (multiple) and even an onsite playgroup.  All this and the the rent on the apartment was cheaper than the cottage.  It was situated near a mall, was not too far from man-child’s work and apparently was also in a great school district to boot.  All we were waiting on was the carpet to be relaid in the apartment and the company to co-sign the final papers for the fund transfers.

We managed to start stocking up on things we would need for the apartment.  We had new beds and bedding for the kids, we thought we would stock up on towels too – the towels in the cottage were beautiful, white and fluffy until we moved in.  I didn’t think that they would ever be white again if we kept using them!  There were delays in our boxes last few boxes arriving, read they hadn’t even been sent yet so we headed to a mega toyshop somewhere to stock up on a few extra kiddie essentials.  

We stocked the teeny tiny kitchen in the cottage with food that could easily be prepared to take with us exploring.  Mostly it was cereal and crackers as the kids didn’t like the local bread – apparently it tasted like cake.  Eventually we even found a market that had a great variety of fruit and vege to keep the kids happy.  

We even spent a fun filled afternoon in a local town (I have no idea where) sitting in a social security office, applying for social security numbers so that man-child could be paid.

Once all this was done and we were set up to really live life in our new community was when everything really started to go wrong.  Firstly they, the company decided that we should be paid in Australian Dollars.  They didn’t get that we actually needed to know what our income was going to be.  At the time the exchange rate was pretty ordinary and trending downward.  We weren’t going to be able to guarantee an income to cover our expenses.  The HR departments in both countries got the fact that we needed some security and were trying to sort it out for us.  Next was the fact that they decided to not co-sign our lease.  They had decided (they being the CEO and company owner) that it was more cost effective for the company if we stayed in the cottage as they already had a lease there.  Clearly they hadn’t ever been to the cottage, whenever they were in town they stayed at the Princeton Club!  Just to make things even more fun, the head cold/sinus mess that I woke to when we first arrived was now lodged squarely in his chest.  He had all the precursor signs of having pneumonia again so we needed to take him to a doctor.  At this stage we had no medical insurance confirmed so finding a doctor that would see him using our travel insurance as cover was challenging.  Now we had yet another important issue that needed resolution, urgently.

It was then that I decided that it was time for me to get involved.  I drafted an email to send to the CEO, outlining the issues that we had faced during the move.  It started off being a short email but ended up being many pages.  I detailed the difficulties of having my husband spend more time in another country than with us, the constant changes in expectations of the company in regards to how long we would be staying and the inexperience of the HR departments in relation to international relocations.  I continued to outline why we were unhappy with living in the cottage as a permanent home.  I mentioned that it was not suitable for small children, was filled with antiques and that the gaps in the floorboards allowed bugs of all sorts into the cottage – the kids were waking covered in bites from said bugs that were huge and crawling over them in their sleep.  I also reminded her of the kids ages, that one had a day time sleep and the other did not.  I couldn’t leave girl-child in the house asleep knowing that she could wake up and try to walk down the stairs to look for me.  I couldn’t let boy-child out to play whilst I waited with girl-child as there were no enclosed spaces.  Within 3 year old walking distance was a main road, a creek (that had flash flooded in the short time we had been there), a forest area and corn fields.  All amazing places to explore, but not as a 3 year old on his own.  

I offered to document my experiences of both moves with the company, firstly to New Zealand and then to New Jersey to show how each move occurred and the impact it had on a family, to comment on what worked in the move to New Zealand and what hadn’t worked so well in the move to New Jersey.  I figured that as a company that was wanting to expand into more countries in the world it would be beneficial to know the experiences of someone who had been involved in such moves.  I was really nervous about sending such a personal email to the CEO but I had to do something, I needed some certainty in our futures, I couldn’t just sit by as she played with our lives.

Now since we were living on a farm in the middle of nowhere that didn’t have real ceiling lights there was no way that there was any internet connection.  I had to write the email as a word document and have man-child take the document into his office to send on my behalf.

Life continued as I waited for a response.  I felt really isolated living in the middle of nowhere not knowing the area nor anyone who lived there.  Man-child was still expected at work each afternoon as a minimum so we spent the afternoons driving around the neighbourhood.  Whenever we came across a park we would stop and play.  When girl-child fell asleep we would drive around aimlessly, trying to find new things to do.  I had marked dozens of ‘must-do’ events and places to visit in the guide books we had purchased but of course the books were in the boxes that hadn’t arrived (or been sent).  I also had heaps of local sites bookmarked but of course with no internet we were flying blind.

We did find some fantastic places to play and explore but living in such an isolated place made it difficult to just bump into people to begin a conversation.  In fact in all of the parks we stumbled across, and there were dozens of different parks, there were very few little kids out playing.  It may have had something to do with the insane heat and humidity, almost 100 everyday and 80% + humidity or it may have been because everyone was enrolled in a summer camp.  Whatever the reason, it was isolating.  

Finally early in the following week I received a reply from the CEO.  To say it was the furtherest thing from the reply I was expecting would be an understatement.  Instead of an acknowledgment of any sort her response was along the lines of ‘if it was too hard for me, perhaps I should just move back to Melbourne with the kids’.  I mean WTF!   How from reality could this person possibly be?  I replied saying that it wasn’t that living in New Jersey was too difficult, it was the lack of stability that was difficult, that I hadn’t just given up my career for 2 years for no reason.  I wanted this experience in the US to be beneficial for everyone and that man-child, as any other father, would be more focused in the workplace if they knew that their family were being well cared for in a stable environment.  

It was around the time that it was confirmed that boy-child did have pneumonia and a minor heart murmur was discovered to boot.  To make matters worse, it was also around the same time that the owner and the CEO confirmed that they weren’t going to sign our lease on the apartment as our time in New Jersey was going to be assessed on a ‘month by month basis’.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I hadn’t upended my entire life for someone to change there minds in a month or two and send us home.  Hearing this I decided that if our trip was going to be cut short it would be on our terms.  I didn’t want to settle the kids into a new life, in new school with new friends only to rip them out and move at short notice.  

They were the personal reasons that I wanted to throw in the towel and head back home.  Man-child had some reasons of his own.  These reasons went beyond not actually getting any time off to move and settle in but were more about leaving a position as a senior manager in Australia, managing clients Australia wide and in New Zealand and until we moved to the US, many states in the US autonomously, to not being able to respond to a meeting request without having to consult with a team of colleagues back in Australia.  The Australian contingent of the company also expected that when he had meetings interstate in the US that he should drive to them, regardless of the fact that said meeting was a 6 hour each way drive.  The same meetings that, when he was still living in Melbourne and commuting to the US for work he would automatically fly to.  Essentially they were being unreasonable.  

There it is, the reasons why it just wasn’t going to work.  I could have saved myself 1500 odd words and just written an in summary post like this.  The reasons to go back to Melbourne were as a result of the ‘company’ changing the rules as we went along, 

• leave requirements not being met
• country of origin of pay changing, meaning that our monthly pay would be unpredictable
• not being paid through the US arm of the company meant that we didn’t have health insurance other than our travel insurance.  That made things challenging, especially when boy-child ended up with pneumonia
• the house we were to live in changed from being a new and funky apartment in a great neighbourhood to a quaint cottage in the middle of farmland WITH NO INTERNET ACCESS
• the job description of man-child changed as it evolved and became a junior role and not a senior role being micromanaged with unrealistic expectations
• the length of stay had gone from 1 – 2 years to a month by month proposition
• many of our belongings hadn’t been shipped over to us – was that a sign that our things weren’t going to be required?

Now that I have written the post in point form, it sounds kind of lame.  I really wish that we had given it a go, that maybe if I hadn’t been so pigheaded it would have all worked out and we would have lived happily ever after.  Then I realise that if we had stayed and played by their rules it would have been an extremely difficult time where we were isolated and alone as man-child worked unreasonable hours with no stability, never knowing if we would be staying or going.  

We had to make a decision, one that would impact on our lives greatly.  Would we stay and try and make it work, or should we go home and try to start over.  Leaving New Jersey and returning to our old life would be difficult, everything had changed.  If we returned we would both be out of work.  Sure I could apply to return to work sooner than planned, but now we had no child care.  We had given up the nanny that worked for us and the list to get into child care in Melbourne ranged from merely months to years long.  I didn’t want to return to Melbourne and have to explain to the world that I just couldn’t fix everything and we had given up.  I felt like a failure.  I didn’t want to give in so easily.  Many tears were shed during the discussion and arguing over what we should do, but eventually we had to decide to be in control of our futures and not be putty in the hand of someone else.  

Once the decision was made, life was fantastic, we went on holiday.  We spent the remainder of the month having fun.  Next installment – the fun parts, my favourite places and great memories.

Goodbye July (pt 1) or Why I Hate July (pt 2)

I have been feeling BLEH for a while now.  My world is crazy busy and I haven’t had time, or made time, to chill out and relax or to recover from the icky headcold that has plagued me for weeks.  One of the benefits of the crazy busy is having July fly by without me having a chance to really have time to dwell, or perhaps I have allowed myself to be crazy busy in response to the fact that it is actually July.  Who knows? Anyway, July is almost over and I feel as if I have made it through unscathed.  Of course I am writing this on the evening of the 29th so there is still time, however I won’t publish until I have made it through the month.  

I have written before on here, this time last year about a few of the more painful reasons for why I hate July, other than the obvious cold weather.  Now it is time to finish off the Why I hate July saga with Part 2.  Last year I alluded to what was to come, I even mentioned it at the beginning of the month so now it is time to continue - the move from hell.  I imagine that this could become a long winded post, not only because it was an emotionally charged time of my life but because it was also extremely amazing in a craptastic kind of way.  To prepare you for what is to come (or so you can just skip to the end or the photos), I present you with bullet points

• man-child working between Australia and the USA to get ready for the move that was to take place in July
• the renovations needing renovating before the move
• the relocation from hell and why it went wrong
• the return to Australia feeling like I had given up, that I didn’t try and I had failed myself and my family

So here it is, Part 2 of Why I hate July.  This saga actually began sometime late in 2004 and not during the month of July.  To set the scene, boy-child was a very active and inquisitive almost 3 year old and girl-child had just turned 1.  I was back at work 3 days a week, juggling shift work and kid activities.  We had settled into our now not-so-new house and had just lived through renovating a house that didn’t need renovating.  Man-child had an awesome opportunity to work in the US and spent many months working 3 weeks in the US and 3 weeks here.  It was hard work single parenting.  I could manage the single part OK, it was the excitement during the weeks when we were all together that were hard, when routine and consistency were thrown out the window.  Trying to make the most of the crazy together times knowing that all to soon man-child would be flying out again, knowing that the kids didn’t understand why sometimes dad was here and sometimes he wasn’t.

As a family we decided that the commuting between countries wasn’t the lifestyle for us.  Instead of returning to work only in Australia, man-child was offered a permanent position working in the US.  It was his lifelong dream to work and be successful in the US and he had loved his time working there.  It seemed too good an opportunity to refuse and I was bored with work and in need of a change so we set about to try and make it happen.  He was still with the same company that had relocated us to New Zealand a few years previously so we knew it was a real opportunity.  We also knew that the company wasn’t going to hire a relocation consultant to assist with the move and the HR department didn’t have the experience to do it (other staff members who had been relocated and ended up with insane daily commutes because they weren’t aware of local conditions).  Being the control freak that I am, I was happy to do much of the research for the move.

Initially we offered to relocate for 3 months, using up all of the leave I had accrued but the powers that be thought hat 3 months would only be enough time to settle into the postion without actually getting anything done.  They wanted us there for a full year.  There was even talk of me working for the same company as I had previously worked for them and still knew their products.  

Things were starting to get serious – a full year in the US, awesome.  The next few months was all about getting organised for the move.  I would research online, finding neighbourhoods that sounded great, comparing school districts and child care, even looking at crime statistics in each area.  I would email my findings to man-child and he would check out the locations in real life.  I also began the process of arranging leave from work and doing the math on whether it was more cost effective to relocate our furniture or store it.  All of the math was based upon us being in the US for a year, until the ‘company’ decided that it was not worth doing if it was going to be less than 2 years, 3 would be even better.  I couldn’t fathom being away for 3 years, besides I may not have had a job to come back to after 3 years.  I could confirm my employment for a 2 year leave of absence so we negotiated and committed to a 2 year stay with the possibility of staying longer if it was working for everyone.  Still the whole idea of moving to the other side of the world was too good to be true.  

I re-did the math for the move and all of a sudden it was going to be more cost effective to ship all of our furniture rather than store an entire household (3 bedrooms and a study full).  Now up until recently we had crappy old furniture but post renovations we thought the new spaces deserved new, pretty and darn expensive furniture so just giving away all the furniture wasn’t an option.  We did the right thing and arranged for 3 independent quotes for shipping the furniture and with the backing of the HR department, we accepted a quote for shipping.  

Next thing we knew, the rules were changed.  The owner of the company, ever conscious of costs, offered to store our furniture for us, free of charge, in an unused yet clean and safe part of one of the buildings he owned.  Furthermore, he would allow us to purchase or hire the furniture we would require in our new apartment.  Fantastic – the shopping trip of a lifetime to fully furnish a place, all using someone else’s money.  We were able to cancel the shipping company without incurring costs, merely the embarrassment of being perceived as being incompetent.  

Next task on the to-do list, find renters for our house.  Despite saving money by not having to ship furniture, we couldn’t afford the mortgage here and living costs in the US.  We found friends of a friend who lived up the road who were looking to move and our place seemed perfect for them.  Just as we were about to draft up contracts, fortunately before they gave notice to their land lord, the ‘company’ had decided that they could rent our house to use for corporate short-stays and for when we would be in town.  It would be more affordable for them to pay our mortgage than it would for them to pay our accommodation costs when we were back in town.  

Of course by now, knowing that we weren’t going to ship our furniture and didn’t have to pay insane storage costs, we had given away or sold off all the furniture that we wouldn’t need in 2 years.  That included our bed (it was really old and in need of upgrading so we thought we would splurge when we returned) and all of the kids bedroom furniture.  Really, we would have no need for a cot and junior bed when the kids were going to be at least 3 and 5 when we were due to return.  In fact the only furniture we had not gotten rid of was the new furniture my beautiful leather lounge suit (that comes with a side story that is too long for this long post), teak TV cabinet and shelves and our new dining table and leather chairs.  Oh well, they could just fit out the bedrooms before they used the house, that wasn’t going to be a problem.  It also meant that we could leave all the whitegoods in place and leave the house stocked with crockery, cutlery and non perishable food items, as in the other company short-stay residences we had stayed in.  

We seemed all set for the move.  Visas granted, tickets purchased and accommodation sorted.  The apartment we were to move in to was to be re-carpeted and wouldn’t be available for 3 weeks after we arrived.  We didn’t mind, we could camp anywhere for 3 weeks.  We had visions of dodgy motels alongside a highway but it turned out that another couple who had been living in the area were moving back to Melbourne and the property they had been living in was available.  Man-child had stayed there, with them on previous visits and agreed that it would be better than staying in cramped motel lodgings so it was all sorted.  

Of course this all sounds far to simple and easy right.  Well during this time, when man-child was still doing the three week commute thing, I found that there was a leak in a downstairs pipe.  Now the water had flowed underneath the almost brand new solid wooden floor that had been laid as a part of the unnecessary renovation.  The entire floor was ruined, as were 2 walls.  The floors needed to be ripped out and that meant removing the still shiny new kitchen.  Thank god insurance covered the damage bill, but it was challenging.  I had to fight with them so they would understand that we couldn’t live in a house with no kitchen or floors with 2 young children.  Eventually they seemed to understand my dilemma and found local accommodation for us.  We had to move out for 2 weeks to allow for the kitchen to be removed, the floors removed and the sub-floor dried before a new floor being laid and the kitchen being put back together.  Living in a small third floor apartment with no elevators and 2 kids was challenging to say the least, especially as I was single parenting for most of that time.  Naturally we were supposed to be packing and getting organised for the move during these weeks but we couldn’t actually access our house!

So now the house is back together, we have packed.  We managed to get rid of copious amounts of toys and clothes, even books but we still packed up boxes and boxes of essential items to be shipped to the US to be there when we arrived.  The first shipments that went were off-season clothes, the following shipment was to be essential toys and all the books we had purchased about our new home.  Books about Princeton, about bike rides and holidays in New Jersey, about must see attractions in New York as well as books about kids activities in the Princeton area.  We were taking essential toys and kids books with us on the flight, as well as all the clothes that we were still wearing here, going from mid winter, as well as some clothes for summer in case our boxes never arrived.  We were fully loaded with the maximum we were allowed to take.  Hooray for the huge luggage limits when flying to the US – we were each allowed 2 suitcases plus carry on, a stroller, a baby backpack and a laptop.

Farewell parties were held, goodbyes were said.  Plans for friends to come and visit were made and we were all set to go, to embark on the biggest journey of our lives.  It was exciting, scary and homesick sad all in one go, but mainly exciting.

The day of departure finally arrived, the 3rd of July 2005 and with it my hatred of July was to be re-kindled.  Already this post is way too long before I even hit the good parts, I will continue in a new post shortly, one that has pretty pictures to accompany the many words!

Growing Old

Spending this past weekend with my parents has forced me to acknowledge that my parents are old.  Whilst they are both relatively healthy, well as healthy as a couple who chow down of a variety of medications daily can be, they are old.  My mum is looking more and more like her older sister, the sister who died last year.  Her mannerisms remind me not only of her sister but of her mum, my nan. 

In all of the memories I have of my nan she is in a wheelchair.  She spent almost all of her time sitting in her chair, to the left of the pot-bellied stove with a knitted or crochet blanket on her lap.  When she wasn’t talking to her kids or grandkids and listening to our stories of incredible adventure she was doing word searches.  She sipped her tea from cups with oversized handles and ate easy to cut foods using chunky cutlery.  The pens she used for her crosswords were made for arthritic hands. She was quietly spoken, her voice was gentle and quivery.  Her head had a steady wobble to it, and her voice matched her head wobble.  It was this same head wobble that my aunt had.  Because I remember my aunt much more clearly than my nan who died more than 20 years ago, I also remember that her head wobble was the start of her quick aging process.  Seeing my mum yet more frequently I noticed that she now has a pronounced head wobble.  I first noticed it as a shaky chin and random eye twitches, yet I ignored it, hoping that it wasn’t real that somehow it was my imagination.  There is no denying it, now she has a real head wobble.  A wobble that is uncontrollable and unexplainable.  

Now I know that arthritis and mobility issues are going to be a part of my life, they are already a part of my mums life.  Already she has had multiple surgeries on her feet and ankles to alleviate pain and increase her mobility.  It seems that random head wobbling is also a part of my future.  This post isn’t meant to be about me getting old, it is more about me recognising that my parents are getting old and they won’t be here forever.  I can’t imagine life without both parents, or how one parent would survive without the other.

What is also concerning, is my mum’s concern for my dad.  He isn’t himself.  He won’t say that he is unwell yet he looks exhausted and fell asleep during the day when he was here.  Falling asleep isn’t all that unusual in itself but the fact that he fell asleep as girl-child was talking to him was unusual.  Of course as he won’t admit that something is out of kilter, he won’t see a doctor.  

All of these things, plus man-child’s dad dying earlier this year and a friends dad dying today reminds me that life is precious and unpredictable.  I want to spend time with all those who are precious to me and celebrate just how lucky I am.  Instead I will sneak upstairs and kiss my babies.

Discombobulated

I feel like I have been away from this space for eons when in fact it has been little more than a week.  It is such a strange concept that I have really missed being here.  Nothing major has happened, yet I have felt the urge to be here documenting exactly that – nothing.  Well actually a lot has happened but I have been having too much fun living life to document it and haven’t had time to devote to the making to post.

That said I haven’t been here.  I have been busy, working crazier hours than normal and I have barely had a second to check email and read blog posts let alone write them.  It makes me wonder how other bloggers manage to work,write witty and insightful blog posts, raise children, make sure everyone eats well and stays safe and somehow still stay sane?  Me, I feel like I can do one, maybe 2 of those of those tasks sometimes but barely.  It is like we can eat healthy meals or have clean clothes but if you want both then I will have to forgo sleep or sanity, perhaps both.  

Everywhere I look, the internet seems to be filled with posts about parenting with the current debate that seems to revolve around who has the hardest role – stay at home mums or working mums, whether they work in or out of the home, full or part time.  These other bloggers can do a much more convincing job or selling their story or plight.  For me, I know that I am a better parent when I am working.  I enjoy going to work and escaping the insanity of home yet I look forward to getting home to the family to catch up with the daily happenings.  My favourite time of day is walking home from work and school, hand in hand chatting away.  My biggest trouble is trying to find the balance of work and home so that I can get everything done.  At the moment I am not at work enough to get my job done properly so I end up doing extra hours or days, or even working from home at night.  I don’t know the solution, but there are extra work hours on offer and I am debating over whether to take them or not.  

I guess that right about now I am feeling a little disconnected.  Work isn’t exactly fitting in as I has planned and there are major changes on the way, not only the hours of work but also the office location and to some extent the job description.  As usual inter and inter-office politics are playing a big part in the my feeling of connectedness or lack thereof.  The next few weeks should be ‘interesting’ if nothing else.  Just to make it more challenging I have to juggle school holiday insanity!  

The disconnectedness continues through other areas of my life, I just don’t have the literary ability to describe how or why at the moment.  When I actually started to write this post, I had it all planned out in my head but I couldn’t actually remember the word disconnected, for some reason all that kept popping into my head was discombobulated and I really wasn’t sure why until I saw an online definition -  dis·com·bob·u·lat·ed, dis·com·bob·u·lat·ing, dis·com·bob·u·lates, To throw into a state of confusion.  Bemuse or bewilder.  Then it all made sense – I am in a state of confusion, I am not actually in control of my life at the moment, everything I do revolves around or impacts on many other people and decisions are no longer easy to make.  This post has wandered miles from where I imagined it heading, but the words have just tumbled out and I don’t even know if they make sense.  

Discombobulation aside, I somehow made reference to the fact that I have been too busy, having too much fun living life to have time to blog and then instead of filling you in on what has been happening I wandered away, distracted.  There are still stories that I want to tell but they deserve more than just an add-on to a blurting post.  Now really doesn’t seem the time to now go back and tell all, hopefully I will be in a better headspace tomorrow (or some time soon) to fill in the gaps.  If not, know that I can still be having fun even if I am discombobulated.

Moving On

***So this was the post that I had written yesterday and forgot to publish.  It may be a day late but it is still relevant.  Things ARE great!***

Well the list of reasons why today should have been a bad day is extensive.  It includes having to sit through an ‘oh-no-it’s-swine-flu’ meeting, leaving my phone in the office (but not my office, a colleagues office in a different suburb), missing the train, catching the wrong train in a hurry and being super late to pick the kids up from school.  Last week any one of those things would have pissed me off, but not today.  I have moved on from letting everything getting me down and drive me insane.  It is a new month, a new season and things are looking good.  Despite all the crazy in our world of late, we are actually closer together as a family than ever before.  We are all enjoying each others company and seem to actually like each other!  The world is a wonderful place and I am happy to sit back and enjoy life as best I can.  It shouldn’t be too hard, there are so many things to be excited about.

The love of my Lil Sis’s life arrives later this week.  I need to work out some time to get over to her place and finish the painting and do a spot of decorating to help her to spruce up her apartment ready for them to go out and buy baby furniture.  I had planned having much more time to spend with lil sis, just hanging out but all of a sudden I am out of time.  It isn’t that we won’t get to spend much time together it will be just be different, new and exciting.

As a result of her concerns that she won’t have much time to spend with us as a result of her expanding waistline and preoccupation with her pommy boy she wanted to do something extra special for us so last Sunday we all went to see Wicked.  The show was fantastic, again.  Girl-child, lil sis and I have all seen the show before and loved it so much wanted to see it again.  I think I spent more time during the show watching the kids enjoy the show than I did actually watching the show. 

Not that the people sitting around us in the theatre would ever be reading this, but just in case they do, I sincerely appologise about the discussions that were held in semi-hushed tones during the show.  As expected, boy-child did freak out at all of the noise and wanted reassurance that the show was make believe, then he was happy to dance in his seat.  Having already seen the show and a regular listener to the soundtrack, girl-child sang along to many of the songs!

An unexpected outcome of going to the show is that boy-child wants to go back to dance class.  I have really enjoyed not having to run to after school activities this term, but I really miss knowing that they are both doing an activity that they love and can widen their horizons.  It will also give us te opportunity to try the new dance studio in the area.  And to top off the dancey goodness, So You Think You Can Dance (the US show) will be back on TV in less than 2 weeks so I don’t need to find time to watch it online.

Other good things, hmmm well I have a few bloggy like awards and meme’s that I should respond to at some stage but they are really worth of posts of their own.  Oh and to use a phrase that I have heard/seen online quite a bit lately ‘heart friend’ – a person who shares your heart,a friend who you have met online and with whom you love and want to know in real life.  I have also found out that I am going to meet a heart friend.  Only last week I had realised that I may never get to meet my heart friends and less than 24 hours later I received an email to let me know that a heart friend in New Zealand is going to be able to fly to Melbourne next month.  She is an amazing woman and will be in town with her family and I will get time to meet them – hooray.

As the title of this post says – Moving On, I am moving on from being dragged down by everything that happens.  I am going to enjoy all the great things around me, my wonderful family and my friends.