Well we survived the three way conferences at school but they didn’t pan out the way that we had hoped. In fact, I walked out feeling annoyed at myself for playing the game. It was apparent quite early in the 15 minutes we had allocated that this wasn’t the time or place to discuss boy-child’s fit in the classroom. I felt like we were being talked at and not too. Any positive comments were hidden in negatives and boy-child spent most of the time nervously picking at his hands or the edge of the table whilst he was being grilled. It was as if he was sitting in an interrogation room.
I guess it is important to note that I felt even more intimidated in the classroom than I expected. Boy-child’s key teacher is loud and abrasive even when she is just talking, her co-teacher even appeared intimidated by her. We did discuss a few strategies to help him in the classroom but essentially both man-child and I walked out after the conference thinking that he won’t be any more supported. I got the overwhelming feeling that this class will show him how to conform and be fitted neatly into a tidy little package rather than develop who he really is. Even during the conference boy-child was told that he needed to play the game, to just do what he had to do in class even if he didn’t like it. I was looking more for discussion about how to get him excited about doing classwork. Hell I would even be happy if his motivation for doing classwork would be less time to do fun things but there appears to be no consequence of not doing work. Sure he got a crappy grade but realistically, what kind of motivation is a crappy grade for an 8 year old?
I am disappointed in my lack of participation throughout the conference other than supporting boy-child. I would like to think that it was because I could see that it wasn’t the best time to talk and not because I didn’t have the balls. Ideally we need to meet with the teachers again to talk about strategies that we can research and test to get him more motivated in the classroom. This would be best done when the teachers can have more time to prepare specifically for us and our needs and not on churning through every student in the class in a day. In the meantime we will do some research into ways that we can best support boy-child in his learning without piling too much pressure on him. Despite what his report says, I know he is an intelligent boy with no motivation to participate. I think he will learn more out of the classroom this year than he will learn in the classroom.
I really don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the lack of resolution from the conference only to say that I didn’t find the experience or the classroom environment very positive. Fortunately it was the polar opposite when we walked into the conference for girl-child. Her teacher was so positive about the classroom environment and actually listened to what we had to say. She even picked up on the subtleties of the conversation when we were discussing areas of improvement she was able to suggest areas that boy-child can support her learning. He wasn’t a part of the conversation but it was important for girl-child to know that her brother is intelligent and articulate and can support her at school too.
I feel that girl-child would survive and even thrive in almost any classroom environment, she is a people pleaser and is able to please people because she has a desire to learn and grow without constant encouragement. Boy-child on the other hand needs to be in an environment that inspires him, that makes him want to learn again. I hope that we can help him find some passion to want to learn again, I don’t want him to survive just by playing the game, I don’t enjoy just playing the game and he can’t enjoy it either.
Bec
June 22, 2010 at 8:14 am
No wonder Boy-Child hates learning at the moment – if you and Man-Child AND the co-teacher are intimidated by the teacher … it stands to reason that Boy-Child would be too.
What a crappy situation.
Can’t really offer any advice as a non-parent. But I hope things improve for you all.
Bec
xx
Mrs Ickes
June 22, 2010 at 10:54 am
This makes me want to scream! And cry.
As a teacher, I can say that I understand putting a kid at a table by himself. I CANNOT understand not talking to the parents about it well before now-not in front of the child. I teach older students, so by the time they get to me, many parents have heard all the complaints, but it is so different for you!
Right now, you have the opportunity to nip it in the bud-figure out why he has been labeled a “trouble maker” and it is the TEACHER’s job to figure out what motivates him, not tell him to play the game.
It makes me feel like the teacher is justifying the fact that she is overlooking him. That she isn’t taking the time to know him and understand him. Obviously, he is a good kid. He is smart. He has great support at home (which, by the way, is THE MAIN complaint I have as a teacher-lack of support at home).
You can’t talk about these things in front of boy-child. He has to know (or think!) that you respect his teacher; otherwise, he will give up.
I suggest a private conference (maybe without him knowing about it beforehand?). I think that if you go to the teacher and tell her that you are genuinely concerned (not blaming her at all yet) because his self-esteem is being affected. Maybe if you have her give you examples of his behavior, you can discretely have conversations about it with him later.
As far as motivation for doing the work-you need to (actually, the teacher needs to…) figure out what it was about that report that made him work so hard on it. Was it presented to you at the conference-(did he want to make you proud?), did it involve some sort of art-(he enjoyed being creative), was he afraid of the teacher making fun of him in front of you? Maybe you can address this with the teacher since she isn’t seeking it out herself.
I know that I’m just picking on the head teacher-the others may be reacting to her opinion. Hell, boy-child may be reacting to her opinion or his reputation with her.
Can you figure out if he is getting picked on (or labeled as a trouble-maker) by the teachers or if he really is being a distraction in class? He seems like he is a respectful and reasonable boy, so it is hard to picture him as the latter.
Maybe let him know that if he “starts over” with the behavior that is expected, the teachers will eventually “forget” his bad reputation. Of course, you need to be careful because you don’t want him to think that he is a bad kid if he really is making good decisions-it is so hard to know since you aren’t there.
It might come down to a lesson-sometimes you get rotten teachers (bosses, friends, superiors) and you DO just have to play the game. Turn in your work, behave (whatever that means to the teacher), basically sit down and shut up. But then, your son should know that if he does have to just play the game, he is the better person because he can think for himself and learn from this awful experience.
Sorry for rambling. We are on summer holidays, so I’m the perfect teacher at the moment-I’m not stressed out and I have plenty of time to individualize.
I can judge.
This is just a sensitive subject for me–I hate it when kids are overlooked; I admit that I’m not perfect (except for during summer holidays when I don’t have any students-THEN I’m the perfect teacher), but kids are so impressionable. I hate it when teachers forget that fact.