Tired, Grumpy and Picking Fights

I think I am trying to do too much.  I have too much happening and I don’t have time to get my shit together.  I am struggling to be a good mum, partner, and employee.  I still haven’t kicked the bug that has been lingering in my body for the last bazillion weeks.  Essentially I am tired and grumpy and not much fun to be around.  I anger easily and all I seem to do is pick fights with anyone who is around.

My work hours have increased a little, the days in the office aren’t long but I am now there EVERY DAY and I don’t get a break.  During the additional 6 hours a week that I am working somehow I am expected to take on the workload of a colleague who has transferred.  Now I am no mathematician but somehow trying to do a new job, a job that previously was done on a full time basis of 40+ hours a week  in a measly 6 additional hours just doesn’t seem to add up.  Something has to give, either I do my job to a lesser capacity, I do absolutely nothing with the new job or I work even more hours (unpaid).  None of these options seem particularly attractive and I think that what is really happening as a result is that I get nothing done other than freak out about what I need to do.

On the home front, well I am not here enough to get on top of things.  I really miss having a day at home every now and then to get shit done, fun domestic things that need doing – laundry, cleaning, getting rid of clutter.  I get resentful that it is important to me to not live in a total pigsty, that I need to clean up instead of going out and having fun.

I was a total bitch to be around almost all of the weekend and as fun as it can be to be a bitch, it wasn’t fun.  I didn’t want to be here.  I didn’t want to be the mum who couldn’t get her shit together.  I hate that I am the boring parent, the one that sets rules and boundaries, the parent that the kids don’t ask to go and play with them in the park because they know that I am tired, or grumpy or just not likely to have fun.  I want to be fun.  I want to be spontaneous.

I am torn in so many directions and I don’t know how to get everything done.  I don’t have the time of energy to do everything as well as it should be done and I hate not doing things properly.  I know it is hard to tell, but I hate complaining all the time, I just want to get my shit together and be in control, or maybe I am just hormonal and moody.  It really bugs me that I have been feeling crappy for what is essentially no real reason at all.  Realistically I have a great life – my family are awesome, I have friends all around me, hell I even have a job that I usually love.  Hopefully I will wake up in the morning and feel better and more realistic about my world.

A Wet Weekend

There is much I could write about for the weekend, but this is my summary of the weekend, beautiful things combining and then things go wrong my macbook gets soggy and I am all bleh!

Soggy Macbook

Man flu update

Whilst not exactly at the peak of fitness, boy-child returned to school today. I was expecting a phonecall saying ‘come get him’ but he survived. It was dance night and he declared he was too tired to dance bit that he would come along and watch his bff dance.
When asked by one of the other parents why he wasn’t dancing he sighed, wiped his forehead and declared ‘I don’t have the energy, I have man-flu!’
The slow writing of this post via my iPhone was interrupted by a melodramatic boy-child who needed snuggles to help him sleep!

Diagnosis Confirmed

Well another long day with boy-child home from school meant another trip to the doctors office.  He is still not eating much, throwing up occasionally and has spent the majority of the day rolling around moaning and groaning.  The doctor confirmed the diagnosis as a lingering virus that since it is still around after 3 days it is likely to stick around for another few days maybe even a week if we are lucky!  In other words he has man-flu ant there is nothing that anyone can do to treat it.  All boy-child can do is rest and try to eat and drink as normal.  Sure his digestion is less than ordinary, but that probably has something to do with the lack of food intake.  If he would eat his body would have more strength to fight the virus that is traumatising me him.  Essentially the trip to the doctor was to encourage him to eat more to be able to recover since on the last trip to the doctor the need to keep up the fluids was reinforced so I was hoping the same would occur.

The diagnosis of man-flu was further confirmed in the car on the way home from the doctors office with a conversation that went something like this…

“So monkey, what should we have for lunch?” and he replied “I don’t want lunch, my tummy hurts.”

“How about some jelly or a yoghurt?” He declared “That won’t make me feel good.”

Being reeled in I ask him, “What food would make you feel good?”  He suggested “Maybe some KFC.  KFC always makes me feel good.”

“But KFC is greasy and will make your tummy all squirmy again!”  He stated the obvious “I know but it tastes good.”

“Sure it tastes good, but it might make you throw up again.”  Defending his request for crappy food, “That’s OK mama, my tummy feels better if I throw up, especially if I eat KFC!”

Now tell me, if you were sick (other than a hangover) would you want to eat greasy food that is going to make you throw up?  Me neither.  Instead of his request for KFC we headed over to Lil Sis’s place for some soup for me and yoghurt for the boy, some sanity for me and different movies for the lad.

Fingers crossed

Confession Time

Here I am at home in the early afternoon instead of being at work.  Boy-child is still suffering from a puking man flu and we are doing tag care and I have the afternoon shift.  That in itself isn’t the confession.

Last night, again mere minutes after going to bed (I knew I should have gone to bed early) boy-child was awake and uncomfortable.  I settled him back into bed and foolishly tried to go back to bed also.  Again, just as I was comfortable he was calling out again, this time the calls and moaning were accompanied by other less than pleasant noises and I had the joy of cleaning out the puke bucket.

Instead of going back to bed myself I again grabbed a doona and pillow and set up camp on his bedroom floor.  This is where the confession begins – I wrapped myself in a Snuggie before laying down to sleep.  Yes that is right, I have said it for all to here, I am the proud owner of not one but 2 Snuggies.  I must admit that I didn’t get the authentic Snuggie, I have the cheap knock off versions that were 2 for $15 and they are used every single day.  Both kids insist on wrapping in a blanket curled up on the couch so it made sense to get them.  I know they are ugly but they are cheap and warm.  I have to admit that thanks to the snuggie my body was nice and warm all night as I lay in the comfort of the kids room, on the floor.  Now if only I had remembered to wear my slippers my feet would have stayed warm too.

Now that I am confessing, I should also add that I am now wrapped in a Snuggie as I sit and type, so please if you come wandering by allow me time to hide the Snuggie before you come inside!

Man-flu, junior version

The last few weeks seem to have been too much for the kids, too much excitement, too many late nights and generally way too much fun and it was bound to end in tears it was simply a question of whose tears.  After an tandem tantrum by both kids on the way to bed as a result of being overstimulated was a great start.  Thank god it wasn’t me who was on tuck in duty.

When he was finally settled in to bed, boy-child complained of a sore tummy.  That was the first sign of what could have been a long night.  Logic says that if you are likely to suffer from broken sleep you should go to bed early to capitalise on the few minutes available.  When the choice is the logic of sleep or Seeley Booth I am afraid that  Seeley wins hands down, even when the second episode was a repeat that I could actually remember.

I contemplated staying up to watch Vegas but knew that would just be insane, that said it was still around midnight before I went to bed, a mere 3 hours before the first wake up.  Luckily boy-child called out for dad to comfort him.  Whilst I didn’t actually have to get up, I still woke.  Eventually he was calmed enough to drift off to sleep, allowing man-child and I to get some sleep.

I had barely drifted off and the boy was awake again, with more stomach pains this time calling for me.  I spent almost an hour calming him, waiting for him to drift off and then trying to sneak out the door only for him to wake and cry out again.  I gave in and grabbed a doona out of the cupboard and curled up on the floor.  I didn’t have to do anything other than be in the same room.  When the snores were louder than the Gershwin I was listening to on my phone I decided that it was finally safe to sneak back to bed, one short hour before my alarm was due to wake me!

The choice for the day then was a) stay home with sick children (yes, plural – girl-child has a sympathetic illness to avoid going to school) or b) go to work extremely tired but at least not be at home using up the sick leave that I technically don’t have left!  The choice was easy, it was off to work for me.

I returned home this afternoon to hear boy-child beg to go to the doctor, the conclusion was not so surprising – a virus!  The evening has included much moaning and groaning, frequent bathroom trips and even vomiting.  This post writing was even interrupted by calls for help and begs for medicine.  Of course by the time I returned with the medicine he has rolled over and gone back to sleep.  I hate that my boy is unwell and I am astounded at the theatrics that go with it.  I am picturing another long night with more dramatics but hopefully no bodily fluid spillage.  My current dilemma – do I try and get some sleep or catch up on reading?

Yesterday, a great day

Yesterday was awesome.  I only worked for half a day yesterday as I had much better things to do – I had a school concert to attend and friends to spend time with.

Yesterday was the big day, the day of the whole school performance.  Naturally being a ‘whole school performance’ both kids were involved.  I had organised to go to the evening performance and man-child was going to the afternoon performance before finding out that friends from Tokyo were in town and only free last night to catch up.  That was all the encouragement I required to take the afternoon off work to go to the matinee performance.  One of our Japanese friends didn’t want to miss out on seeing the kids, so he asked to come along to the performance also.

I have to admit that if I were in another country for only a few days, going to a primary school performance would be the last thing that I would want to do, especially if said performance was in a language that I barely understood yet there he was, grinning from ear to ear during the entire show.  Yoshi clapped more vigorously than any other person in the audience and he took more photos than the proudest parents in the room.  He had a fantastic time.

The show itself was great (for a school concert).  I have to admit that I didn’t see it all, it was so hot in the hall that I had a coughing fit and had to go outside to recover.  I did see both performances that my guys were in and no doubt I will end up buying a copy of the dvd to sit on the shelf, unwatched.  The important part is that I was there and I cheered along with the rest of the crowd, even taking happy snaps that are practically impossible to see.  Instead look at girl-child the puppy, boy-child wasn’t interested in sitting still for long enough to have a photo taken.

The Puppy (& narrator)

After the performance and the surprise of having Yoshi in the audience, we all went out to grab a coffee and wait for a second surprise, more visitors.  My parents had driven to Melbourne to surprise the kids.  I really wish I had my camera out when my parents and Lil Sis walked in to the cafe.  The look on boy-child’s face was beautiful.

The afternoon was fantastic.  I never realised until then that my mum and probably my dad also, has never actually met a Japanese person before.  It isn’t because they are racist but because the area in which they live, the area in which I grew up is very caucasian.  When I was a kid the extent of racial diversity in town was a lone filipino woman and her caucasian husband who lived in town for a few brief years.  When I went to larger secondary school there was a little more diversity, but not much.  It still amazes me that I now live in an community that has more ethnic diversity than the entire town and schools that I attended!  What was more amazing and also amusing was seeing Yoshi and my dad happily chatting away, again not because it was a shocking situation but because my dad is partially deaf and whilst Yoshi speaks English really well, dad struggles with accents!  Cultural diversity aside, it was a great afternoon.  The kids didn’t know who to spend their time with, their grand parents, Lil Sis or Yoshi so they spent their time running from one to another.

After we dropped the kids off at the venue for the second concert performance with my parents and sister, I headed out to dinner with my best friends and Yoshi, his beautiful wife and daughter.  It was a great evening, reminiscing about my trip to Japan, my friend’s times in Japan and more importantly planning new adventures with another trip to Japan next year.  My visit to Japan was sans kids.  I know that they would have had a fantastic time in Tokyo and are really looking forward to visiting there.

My favourite photo of the day, girl-child and Yoshi, hand in hand walking along the road together.

Great Friends

If only I had the camera out a second earlier when they were skipping along the road together.

FACT – my running skills totally bite

My case in point

Monday, week 5 day 3 I missed Friday due to an extra early start and couldn’t play catch up due to extra work, a weekend away and bucket loads of rain.  Anyway, back to the story, Monday week 5 day 3 involved a 5 minute warm up followed by 20 minutes of jogging and a 5 minute cool down.  20 minutes of jogging WITHOUT STOPPING.  Let’s just say that it nearly killed me but I managed to shuffle around very slowly for 20 minutes.

Today, week 6 day 1 was the typical 5 minute warm up and cool down and the running part consisted of a 5 minute jog, 3 minute walk, 8 minute jog, 3 minute walk and a 5 minute jog.  Now while I felt just as crappy running today as I did on Monday, I ran further, way further.

Now I admit that I am no genius but lets do the maths here…

Monday run = 20 minutes

Wednesday run = 5 + 8 + 5 = 18 minutes

Therefore I had a whole 2 minutes more of running on Monday and should have travelled more distance.  Admittedly there was the walking in-between section of 3 + 3 minutes, but that is only 6 minutes.  Now I get that 6 minutes of walking, even at my deathly slow pace that involves far too much daydreaming and looking for starfish should or could be faster than 2 minutes of jogging, but it shouldn’t be that much difference.  I was almost back to the start of the loop, to the cool down section before I had even begun the last 5 min jogging section.  In fact I had to slightly extend my running track and that extra section happened to involve a small hill and a set of stairs to ensure that I actually had room to finish the run component of the training.

So there you have it, my amazing running ability, some math and it isn’t even 7.30 yet.  Time to get going for the day and stop all this thinking

Kidversations

Yesterday, I was sitting with a friend sipping bubbles, chatting and relaxing after the madness of another Monday.  The kids were doing their usual kid like stuff, girl-child playing with a friend and boy-child playing wii.  I was pleasantly surprised when boy-child self regulated his wii time and came inside to snuggle, sneak chocolate and generally provide all round entertainment.

When the chocolate supply was cut off, boy-child decided it was time to play golf – his clubs hadn’t made it out to the garage and were still inside from the weekend away.  He was quite perturbed that man-child had left his clubs in his bag so he took them out and put them on the floor in the lounge.  Now despite the house being far from tidy, having golf clubs on the floor is something unnecessary for me to clean up later so naturally I asked boy-child to put them back.  The conversation went something like this…

“Boy-child, can you please put dad’s golf clubs away?”

Whining as only a 7 year old can, “Do I have to?”

Said in a slightly sterner voice, “Please put the golf clubs away.”

Boy-child grumbled, “Oh, I hate those kinds of pleases!”

My friend was sitting there perplexed, “What kind of please?”

Boy-child continued to grumble as he took all the golf clubs out to the garage, “The have-to pleases.  That kind of please means I have-to do something or mum will get grumpy!”

Naturally my friend nearly wet herself trying not to laugh at the wisdom of a child who of course was right, I would have been grumpy if he left golf clubs on the lounge floor!

My Little Golf Pro

Weekly Winners

It has been a crazy weekend and I am tired.  Instead of writing about the entire melodramatic weekend I am taking my lead from Trish over at Little Drummer Boys and posting a few photos instead, my weekly winners – all of which were from the weekend.

Time for Golf

My boys heading off for a hit of golf.

See Saw

Girl-child enjoying the fear, shock exhilaration of a real, old school see saw.

Feeding the Horse

Boy-child (and girl-child too) fed a horse for the first time.   They named the horse Big Guy.

Jumping for Joy over the Fairy Houses

Girl-child was having such a great time exploring the area that she danced around everywhere and jumped for joy.

So these are only a few of the many photos of the weekend.  The weekend wasn’t quite what we had planned, but it was fantastic none the less.

Lake Nagambie

It looks like we will be heading back here in the not too distant future.