Accountable

OK, so now it is time to start being more accountable to myself.  I am sick of feeling blah all of the time.  It is time to start being proactive, exercising and eating well and making changes in my life.

I am off to a good start, I woke this morning and went for a jog.  Actually, if I am going to be accountable, I should say I went for a walk but jogged part of the way.  I really didn’t run far, but 1km or so is better than nothing.  My alarm is set for 6.15 in the morning to get up and run again.  In fact it is set for tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday.  I thought about setting it for Friday too, but then thought that I could be setting myself up for failure.  4 days of actually getting up is a start, perhaps in a week or so I will actually start running more of the distance.

Now it is time to get the eating into perspective.  I don’t eat wheat products due to a gluten intolerance and I shouldn’t eat  I also have a lactose intolerance but can’t possibly give up eating everything that tastes like food.   I do eat reasonably well most of the time, but chocolate is my downfall.  I love chocolate.  

I love chocolate so much that the kids automatically give me any chocolate that they find in lolly bags from a party they attend.  It isn’t uncommon for me to eat an entire block of chocolate in one sitting and want for more.  I am not capable of having only one piece of chocolate, I need to eat it all NOW.

That being said, I have decided to give up chocolate for a month.  Yep, a whole month.  I tried last week and made it 4 days and then lost will-power at the snow, chocolate was the lesser evil – everything in the bistro was full of gluten and had a queue of at least 1/2 an hour to be served.  

I have started again, I haven’t had chocolate in over 30 hours, and that is 30 hours knowing that there is a bag of delicious chocolate covered frogs in the cupboard, in plain view whenever I open the door.  It may not sound like much, but I feel like it is progress.  Small steps but steps in the right direction none the less.

cauliflower

Cauliflower, that is me at the moment.  Cauliflower is the term I/we have always used for melancholy.  There is nothing wrong, yet my world isn’t right.  I keep wanting to write, to try and clear my head of all the insanity that is floating around inside, instead I sit at the laptop and read.  I read dozens of amazing blogs, written by interesting and diverse people and think, “yeah, what they said!”  Then that leads to why write about that, it has already been said.  Instead of my head clearing out, more junk moves in and sets up camp.  

I know I need to write, to clear some space to see all the amazing things around me so I catch up on the kids blog to keep the rest of our world up to date with our adventures.  It is positive writing.  It is writing that is from the kids perspective, not my perspective and not my views.  It helps but it doesn’t clear any space.  It does tick on box on the seemingly never-ending to-do-list.  

Must write, must sustain my guilty secret and write.  Here, it is a start.  I could probably write more but alas I am off to a work meeting (on a non-work day, go figure).  When I return I will become accountable, but that (and the guilty secret) are other posts entirely.