Why is it that I feel the need to keep this blog a secret?
I enjoy writing but I have never been big on journaling regularly. I have tried numerous times, but the fear of my writing ‘falling into the wrong hands’ stopped me shortly after I began. Whenever I was in a time of my life that I felt needed clarity I felt I needed to write. Sometimes I would write for a few days, a few weeks and for one period when I moved out from home for almost 3 months. Each time I would write until I felt more in control of my life.
Sometimes I would write just for fun, exaggerated anecdotes of things I saw or heard. At another time, during high school, I wanted to write teen fiction and even wrote the first 4 or so chapters of a really bad teen drama/love story. It was filled with gushy moments that I had dreamed of but had never actually experienced, as well as experiences I lived through but wish I hadn’t. It was fiction, but fun.
Always the writing was in the old days and done on paper. Once it had served its purpose – my sanity or a bit of fun, it was destroyed. Then came the days of having my own computer. My random ramblings were kept on the computer.
One incarnation of writing (or typing to be more accurate), fiction rather than journaling, was found and read and then misinterpreted by someone near and dear to me. The nuclear fallout was horrific and I vowed never to write again. I missed writing.
It took years before I had the courage to write again, and when I did it was sporadically. I would write about dreams, nightmares and on occasion even goals and aspirations. They were things that were real to me at the time. I didn’t need to read them again, but I couldn’t delete them for fear of them not coming true or in the case of nightmares, that they would come true. As I moved from one computer to another, some files were lost or culled, fortunately with no negative effects.
Once the kids were born, I entered the world of group emails. I wrote about the lives of the kids, from a kids perspective. It was fun trying to place myself in a child’s world and the recipients of the email seemed to enjoy the adventures.
Enter the world of blogging and superrelish.blogspot.com was born. It was a more convenient way to keep my extended world involved in the lives of the kids. As enjoyable as it was to write in this style, it wasn’t about me or for me. I knew that I wanted to be in the blog world and that I wanted to be a part of the blogging community.
Eventually I found the courage to begin myrelish. My own online world, a place that is precious to me. It is selfish, but it is a place that is mine and only mine. It is strange and contradictory. I want my own space, but I want to be a part of a community, a new varied and different community. It is exciting watching this space develop and hopefully to grow.
I am enjoying blogging, but finding time to to blog is like trying to find time to myself – almost impossible. Often I am flicking between reading and writing blogs, checking and sending emails and of course online shopping. I wish I had more ‘me time’ to write more and write consistently, but at the moment it is more important for me to have my own space than it is to have time to write often. I will continue to write about me and where I am at, but I think that I will always be mindful of people that I personally know stumbling upon this site and my writing will be guarded. I want this to be my story.
Perhaps one day I will be brave enough to let other people know that I do have my own blog, but for now I am afraid that I am still going to be all secret squirrel!
